What to Do When Your Dad Dies: The Pressure Nobody Warns You About | Dead Dads Podcast | Grief Support for Men

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Speaker 0: Maybe that's a bit of advice is no matter if you have time or

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Speaker 0: not in the passing of your parent, never trust them by

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Speaker 0: what they're saying.

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Speaker 0: Dig a little bit deeper because he's like, oh, I've I've cleaned up all

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Speaker 0: my finances, and I've cleaned up all the passwords to all the different accounts

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Speaker 0: that he has.

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Speaker 0: And to be honest,

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Speaker 0: no.

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Speaker 1: Losing your dad sucks, but talking about it doesn't have to.

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Speaker 2: We are not therapists professionally.

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Speaker 2: We may like to think we are, but we are not.

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Speaker 1: We give really good advice though.

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Speaker 1: Mhmm.

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Speaker 1: Just not medically or therapeutically.

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Speaker 1: Although if you do feel better after it, that's okay.

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Speaker 1: You can still you can still listen to us.

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Speaker 2: But we will bill you for that.

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Speaker 2: We're also not doctors.

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Speaker 1: That's true.

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Speaker 1: We're definitely not doctors.

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Speaker 1: I once was a doctor, but then was immediately removed from

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Speaker 1: doctor status.

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Speaker 2: You just had a lab coat on.

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Speaker 2: Like, that's not a doctor.

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Speaker 1: That that was the problem.

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Speaker 1: Enjoy the next episode of Dead Dads.

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Speaker 1: So, Scott, we have a new guest today.

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Speaker 1: Wonder if you can introduce him.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely can.

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Speaker 2: Thank you very much, Roger.

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Speaker 2: This is Blair French.

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Speaker 1: Hey, Blair.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Dead Dads.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: So I'll admit to knowing Blair in advance already.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it's a it's a secret sometimes, but I do Blair were

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Speaker 2: and I worked together.

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Speaker 2: I would say oh, I don't wanna age us, actually.

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Speaker 2: So I would say we worked together not yesterday,

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Speaker 0: but a little while ago.

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Speaker 0: When we were a little younger.

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Speaker 2: We were a little younger.

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Speaker 2: We still look the same, but we were a little younger.

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Speaker 1: So, Blair, I have to start by asking, like, why would you decide to

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Speaker 1: come on a show like this?

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Speaker 0: You know what?

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Speaker 0: I saw Scott's post on LinkedIn, and

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Speaker 0: it had been about three years since my dad had passed.

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Speaker 0: And I felt like I had gone through some highs, some lows, some

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Speaker 0: good times, some bad times, and I thought it was a great opportunity to

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Speaker 0: share some of my experience because I think we don't talk about it.

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Speaker 0: And that is really as soon I think I probably messaged you within thirty

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Speaker 0: seconds of that post going up.

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Speaker 0: I'm neurotic.

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Speaker 1: The infamous the infamous LinkedIn post.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: And I was like, I'm in.

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Speaker 0: I'm in.

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Speaker 0: What do I need to do to get on this this podcast?

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Love it.

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Speaker 1: Love it.

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Speaker 1: So, you know, one of the

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Speaker 2: I played it cool.

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Speaker 2: You did.

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Speaker 2: I played it cool.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Love it.

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Speaker 2: Hard to get.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: You know, one of the core kinda quirky things we like to do to

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Speaker 1: start off all of our episodes to learn more about you is to ask

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Speaker 1: kind of a, you know, random question.

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Speaker 1: So the question I wanna know is, at the end of the day, you

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Speaker 1: know, let's say you've had a bit of a stressful day, what is your

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Speaker 1: go to comfort, rewatch or listen, or what's

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Speaker 1: the sort of consumption around media that you that you just have to

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Speaker 1: do?

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Speaker 0: My outlet is my eight year old, and I get into the play mode.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 0: Because I love relearning and being reintroduced to

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Speaker 0: so many things that I loved as a child through him.

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Speaker 0: And it's a complete decompression.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 0: Sitting down and getting on the floor and playing LEGO or reading

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Speaker 0: a book with him, there's just every kinda pain point, every

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Speaker 0: stress just kinda floats out the window for me.

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Speaker 1: Did you go through the dinosaur phase or the, like, space phase?

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Speaker 1: Or

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Speaker 0: So it's the dragon phase right now and three d printed

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Speaker 0: dragons with eggs, the collection that we have.

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Speaker 0: And then we step on them and break them.

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Speaker 1: You're a three d printer family.

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Speaker 0: No.

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Speaker 0: We buy them.

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Speaker 0: We buy them.

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Speaker 0: We do not have one, or I should say grandma buys them.

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Speaker 0: So Love it.

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Speaker 0: But that's what I it's like the media, I feel like, is a little

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Speaker 0: bit of a pit, right, to try to escape, whereas the the view

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Speaker 0: of the eight year old really does get you back to, like, those best

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Speaker 0: times of your memories.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 0: It's one

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Speaker 2: of the best parts about having a kid is playing again.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I was a huge LEGO fan as a kid, and the fact

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Speaker 2: that we can do that again, I'm like, sure.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'll buy some more LEGO.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: Sure.

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Speaker 2: If if you want it.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: Adult LEGO.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: My son and I have gotten into model building.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 1: Like, remember the little plastic you know, the plastic, like, army tanks?

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Speaker 1: And drives my wife crazy because all of a sudden our house has army

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Speaker 1: tanks in them.

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Speaker 1: We're not really a military family, but we all of a sudden have tanks

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Speaker 1: in the living room, tanks on the windowsill.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So that's been fun.

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Speaker 1: But then we started getting into these, like, Japanese kind of, like, almost like

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Speaker 1: transformers, but you put them together without glue, and it's, like, it's super cool.

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Speaker 2: It's fun.

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Speaker 2: Honestly, you guys have to do a Playdate because there's so many directions.

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Speaker 0: I was like, yeah.

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Speaker 0: I was like, I need to up my game.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: No.

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Speaker 0: I don't want a Playdate because then Ollie will be like, well, why are

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Speaker 0: you slacking at the the toy department?

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So but, you know, we wanna learn as much about your your dad

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Speaker 1: as possible.

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Speaker 1: Tell us all about him.

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Speaker 2: What was his yeah.

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Speaker 2: What was his full name?

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: Well, he goes by Bob French or Robert French.

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Speaker 0: He born and raised in Vancouver.

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Speaker 0: Actually, worked in the cannery here in Vancouver all through school, graduated

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Speaker 0: UBC, and he was a quintessential

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Speaker 0: accountant.

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Speaker 0: My mom went on a blind date.

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Speaker 0: That's how they met.

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Speaker 0: And she came home from that date and was like, I can't.

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Speaker 0: I can't.

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Speaker 0: Because my mom was a hippie flower child party girl, and she's like, he's

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Speaker 0: so square.

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Speaker 0: That's what she always used to describe my dad.

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Speaker 0: And I'm like, that is pretty much what he was, square.

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Speaker 0: And an accountant, very, like, frugal and fiscally responsible,

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Speaker 0: but he hounded but he also understood, like, diligence and hard

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Speaker 0: work.

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Speaker 0: And he hounded my mom.

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Speaker 0: And finally, my mom's mom was like, just give him a chance, another chance.

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Speaker 0: And,

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Speaker 0: he won.

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Speaker 0: And he often did.

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Speaker 0: He often won by perseverance and persistence.

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Speaker 0: He offered her.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: There we go.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: He he had a spreadsheet, everything that she

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Speaker 2: said.

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Speaker 2: What works for us?

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: Exactly.

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Speaker 0: So he's always been that kinda stability, I would

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Speaker 0: say, with regards to me growing up with him.

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Speaker 0: But he always had that level of hard work, and

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Speaker 0: I think he had a love for Vancouver and a

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Speaker 0: love for BC.

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Speaker 0: And then we he moved out to Hope for a really great job

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Speaker 0: and and really kinda was a part owner of a big construction firm.

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Speaker 0: So now I caveat with, yes, he

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Speaker 0: was an accountant, but what he was known for was just out of the

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Speaker 0: blue zingers.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 0: We'd all be sitting.

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Speaker 0: My mom's loud.

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Speaker 0: I'm loud.

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Speaker 0: My sister's loud.

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Speaker 0: Try to compete with the three of us.

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Speaker 0: But every once in a while, out of the blue, he would just crack

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Speaker 0: a joke that was so unexpected.

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Speaker 0: And I think that's what was really cool about my dad is those

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Speaker 2: Because of his sort of personality?

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Speaker 2: Like, all

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Speaker 1: those Like, he never saw it coming.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: He let my mom be the show.

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Speaker 0: He let my sister and I be the show because he was so proud

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Speaker 0: of us.

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Speaker 0: That's what his pride like, his joy was, seeing how successful

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Speaker 0: or or hopefully successful we would become.

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Speaker 0: But every once in a while, just out of the blue, we and we'd

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Speaker 0: be like, oh, you are alive still.

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Speaker 2: What

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Speaker 1: what's, give us an example of a zinger.

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Speaker 0: It was he just kinda sat there, listened, absorbed,

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Speaker 0: and only really engaged and spoke when it felt right.

00:07:03.820 --> 00:07:06.620
Speaker 0: He didn't need to be the center of attention.

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Speaker 1: Love that.

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Speaker 2: Was he a fix it himself dad?

00:07:09.340 --> 00:07:11.715
Speaker 2: Was he a call the professionals dad?

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Speaker 2: Was he, I mean, duct tape if it's necessary?

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Speaker 2: What kind of,

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Speaker 0: No.

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Speaker 0: My dad never fixed anything.

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Speaker 0: K.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: My dad was,

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Speaker 2: Or attempted to fix anything?

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Speaker 0: No.

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Speaker 0: No.

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Speaker 0: He knew his limits, and he knew his his his skill set.

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Speaker 0: Even though he owned

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Speaker 1: a construction company.

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Speaker 0: Yeah.

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Speaker 0: But he was the CFO.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 0: He wasn't in there fixing the vehicles.

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Speaker 0: Like, he couldn't well, he could he never even taught us how to drive

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Speaker 0: standard.

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Speaker 0: Do you know what I mean?

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Speaker 0: And out of the construction firm back in the day, all the trucks were

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Speaker 0: standard.

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Speaker 0: But, he was a call the professional.

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Speaker 0: Like, he knew his limits.

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Speaker 0: He wasn't gonna go, like, overstep and think he could, like, accomplish something

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Speaker 0: where he's like, no.

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Speaker 0: I don't know how to change the oil.

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Speaker 0: And why would I?

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Speaker 0: My time is better spent growing the company.

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Speaker 0: Right.

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Speaker 0: Oh, it's efficiency.

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Speaker 0: There we go.

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Speaker 2: There.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 0: So of money.

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Speaker 0: Right?

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Speaker 2: He would be like could teach you to drive standard, but that would mean,

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Speaker 2: I'd have less time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 0: He's doing the calculations.

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Speaker 0: He would have been dead way before now if we he taught me how

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Speaker 0: to drive standard because I would have murdered him.

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Speaker 0: So

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Speaker 1: so how how how did he die?

00:08:19.080 --> 00:08:23.080
Speaker 0: So my dad went in for a routine GP

00:08:23.160 --> 00:08:25.640
Speaker 0: check, and they did a stool.

00:08:25.640 --> 00:08:26.520
Speaker 0: I guess,

00:08:26.520 --> 00:08:27.800
Speaker 2: teeth was this?

00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:29.560
Speaker 0: This was just over three years ago.

00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:31.525
Speaker 0: So it would have been three years in November.

00:08:31.525 --> 00:08:33.045
Speaker 0: Just went in for the routine check.

00:08:33.045 --> 00:08:33.445
Speaker 0: Okay.

00:08:33.445 --> 00:08:37.445
Speaker 0: And they did and I'm an oversharer, so I will provide as

00:08:37.525 --> 00:08:39.445
Speaker 0: many details as as we can.

00:08:39.445 --> 00:08:41.845
Speaker 0: But he went in, and the doctor was like, yeah.

00:08:41.845 --> 00:08:42.245
Speaker 0: You know what?

00:08:42.245 --> 00:08:44.570
Speaker 0: We should probably do a stool check.

00:08:44.570 --> 00:08:48.570
Speaker 0: There was elevated levels of blood in the stool, and so they did

00:08:48.730 --> 00:08:50.490
Speaker 0: a colonoscopy.

00:08:50.490 --> 00:08:54.090
Speaker 0: And with that colonoscopy, they found seven polyps.

00:08:54.090 --> 00:08:55.770
Speaker 0: And

00:08:55.770 --> 00:08:59.770
Speaker 0: really kinda rare, one of the polyps had melanoma.

00:09:00.125 --> 00:09:01.325
Speaker 0: So that was the trigger.

00:09:01.325 --> 00:09:05.325
Speaker 0: He immediately got into the cancer agency and started doing the full gambit

00:09:05.805 --> 00:09:09.005
Speaker 0: of MRIs, CT scans, etcetera.

00:09:09.005 --> 00:09:13.005
Speaker 0: And the first test came back, and it was profuse like,

00:09:13.080 --> 00:09:14.600
Speaker 0: profusely throughout the whole body.

00:09:14.600 --> 00:09:16.040
Speaker 2: What age is he at this point, sorry?

00:09:16.040 --> 00:09:18.600
Speaker 0: He is seventy

00:09:18.600 --> 00:09:19.160
Speaker 0: two.

00:09:19.160 --> 00:09:19.640
Speaker 0: K.

00:09:19.640 --> 00:09:20.680
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:09:20.680 --> 00:09:24.680
Speaker 0: So it was already, throughout his body.

00:09:25.865 --> 00:09:29.865
Speaker 0: And so he we went into the

00:09:30.185 --> 00:09:33.145
Speaker 0: kinda attempted treatment phase of it.

00:09:33.145 --> 00:09:37.145
Speaker 0: But it was, like, only a small window between when he was diagnosed

00:09:37.625 --> 00:09:41.625
Speaker 0: with melanoma from the colonoscopy to when it was already

00:09:41.810 --> 00:09:43.890
Speaker 0: metastasized throughout the whole body.

00:09:43.890 --> 00:09:45.010
Speaker 0: So How do you

00:09:45.010 --> 00:09:48.610
Speaker 1: think that short amount of time, that small window,

00:09:48.610 --> 00:09:49.490
Speaker 1: impacted you?

00:09:49.490 --> 00:09:53.490
Speaker 1: I mean, you must have been completely shocked, but also didn't really have a

00:09:53.490 --> 00:09:56.805
Speaker 1: ton of time to,

00:09:56.805 --> 00:09:58.565
Speaker 1: not prepare, but, like, just to to yeah.

00:09:58.565 --> 00:09:59.045
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:09:59.045 --> 00:09:59.765
Speaker 0: You know what?

00:09:59.765 --> 00:10:03.765
Speaker 0: You actually to be honest, it was almost a blessing to

00:10:04.005 --> 00:10:06.805
Speaker 0: because you don't start to overthink it.

00:10:06.805 --> 00:10:10.805
Speaker 0: You don't start to you kinda go into protect mode, and you

00:10:10.830 --> 00:10:14.510
Speaker 0: try to go into what's best for my dad Mhmm.

00:10:14.510 --> 00:10:17.390
Speaker 0: Rather than what's best for me at that point.

00:10:17.390 --> 00:10:20.110
Speaker 0: And I think the small window

00:10:20.110 --> 00:10:24.110
Speaker 0: is what allows you to do that rather than it being that

00:10:24.565 --> 00:10:26.965
Speaker 0: diagnosis phase being drawn out.

00:10:26.965 --> 00:10:30.725
Speaker 0: And I would almost say, like, diagnosis phase because it wasn't a stage one,

00:10:30.725 --> 00:10:32.245
Speaker 0: right, where you're like, oh, okay.

00:10:32.245 --> 00:10:33.605
Speaker 0: How is that gonna turn out?

00:10:33.605 --> 00:10:37.605
Speaker 0: It like, it it's probably very, very curable,

00:10:37.850 --> 00:10:40.490
Speaker 0: whereas it was like,

00:10:40.490 --> 00:10:44.410
Speaker 0: I don't think I ever got really the truth from my dad fully about

00:10:44.410 --> 00:10:45.450
Speaker 0: how sick he was.

00:10:45.450 --> 00:10:46.010
Speaker 0: He was

00:10:46.010 --> 00:10:47.450
Speaker 2: keeping it from you, eventually?

00:10:47.450 --> 00:10:47.850
Speaker 0: Oh, yeah.

00:10:47.850 --> 00:10:50.090
Speaker 0: Like, we we heard stories afterwards.

00:10:50.090 --> 00:10:53.335
Speaker 0: Because we grew up in a small town, and my dad outside of Vancouver

00:10:53.335 --> 00:10:54.215
Speaker 0: in Hope, BC.

00:10:54.215 --> 00:10:57.895
Speaker 0: And so everyone knew my dad because major a good portion of the town

00:10:57.895 --> 00:11:00.935
Speaker 0: would have worked for the company that he was involved in.

00:11:00.935 --> 00:11:03.175
Speaker 0: He was head of chamber, all of that.

00:11:03.175 --> 00:11:06.070
Speaker 0: And and one person came up to my mom and was like, yeah.

00:11:06.070 --> 00:11:09.750
Speaker 0: He was complaining how he couldn't see out of his one eye, which clearly

00:11:09.750 --> 00:11:13.350
Speaker 0: is a sign that most likely the tumors are now in the brain and

00:11:13.350 --> 00:11:14.790
Speaker 0: affecting the optic nerve.

00:11:14.790 --> 00:11:16.185
Speaker 0: He never shared that.

00:11:16.185 --> 00:11:19.705
Speaker 0: I think he hid the amount of pain he was in because he was

00:11:19.705 --> 00:11:23.705
Speaker 0: trying to protect my mom, my sister, and I from really knowing the true

00:11:23.785 --> 00:11:24.425
Speaker 0: diagnosis.

00:11:24.425 --> 00:11:27.945
Speaker 1: Does that bother you that he didn't that he kept it from you?

00:11:27.945 --> 00:11:29.930
Speaker 1: If he if he kept it from you?

00:11:29.930 --> 00:11:33.930
Speaker 0: I think it it it would have bothered me more if it was curable.

00:11:34.730 --> 00:11:35.130
Speaker 0: Right?

00:11:35.130 --> 00:11:39.130
Speaker 0: I think if it because I could have maybe supported a bit more.

00:11:39.450 --> 00:11:42.490
Speaker 0: I think because in the end, we really had to come to the term

00:11:42.490 --> 00:11:46.055
Speaker 0: I don't think he ever came to the terms that he wouldn't be cured.

00:11:46.055 --> 00:11:49.575
Speaker 0: I came to the terms that he wouldn't be cured based on the test

00:11:49.575 --> 00:11:53.575
Speaker 0: results and and the responses to some of the therapies that we tried.

00:11:54.695 --> 00:11:57.735
Speaker 0: I think I would have been a bit more frustrated, right, if it was

00:11:57.735 --> 00:12:01.015
Speaker 0: like a stage one or a stage two where there is a really good

00:12:01.015 --> 00:12:02.340
Speaker 0: chance of survival.

00:12:02.340 --> 00:12:06.020
Speaker 0: Because I would have been I would have tried to maybe help more.

00:12:06.020 --> 00:12:06.340
Speaker 0: Right?

00:12:06.340 --> 00:12:09.940
Speaker 0: I would have maybe tried to support him more, whereas because I didn't really

00:12:09.940 --> 00:12:13.940
Speaker 0: know, I just did the best best I could with the information I had.

00:12:14.085 --> 00:12:16.645
Speaker 1: And and, ultimately, how did he pass?

00:12:16.645 --> 00:12:20.645
Speaker 0: It would it's actually probably one of the best ways.

00:12:20.965 --> 00:12:23.685
Speaker 0: And this is what he'll kill me if I tell it well, he'll be

00:12:23.685 --> 00:12:24.085
Speaker 2: mad that

00:12:24.085 --> 00:12:24.725
Speaker 0: I said this.

00:12:24.725 --> 00:12:28.725
Speaker 0: But he was at home, and he he hadn't didn't wanna like,

00:12:28.940 --> 00:12:32.940
Speaker 0: it wasn't at the point where he could physic like, he was still managing.

00:12:33.500 --> 00:12:33.820
Speaker 0: Right?

00:12:33.820 --> 00:12:34.940
Speaker 0: He was still doing well.

00:12:34.940 --> 00:12:38.940
Speaker 0: He was still getting up, doing his routines, cleaning out the pool, going

00:12:39.100 --> 00:12:40.540
Speaker 0: to the mailbox.

00:12:40.540 --> 00:12:44.540
Speaker 0: And then one night, my mom actually woke up in

00:12:44.595 --> 00:12:46.515
Speaker 0: the middle of the night crying.

00:12:46.515 --> 00:12:49.235
Speaker 0: And she's like, oh, something's not right.

00:12:49.235 --> 00:12:52.515
Speaker 0: She went back to sleep, and my dad is a routine man.

00:12:52.515 --> 00:12:56.515
Speaker 0: So he's up for breakfast having his bowl of shredded frosted shredded

00:12:56.675 --> 00:13:00.675
Speaker 0: meats, had to be frosted, every morning by

00:13:00.710 --> 00:13:01.350
Speaker 0: seven.

00:13:01.350 --> 00:13:04.150
Speaker 0: And my mom had slept in a bit, and it was eight, and he

00:13:04.150 --> 00:13:05.350
Speaker 0: wasn't up.

00:13:05.350 --> 00:13:07.510
Speaker 0: So my mom was like, uh-oh.

00:13:07.510 --> 00:13:09.595
Speaker 0: This is not good.

00:13:09.595 --> 00:13:13.275
Speaker 0: And so she went downstairs, and he had passed on the toilet Mhmm.

00:13:13.275 --> 00:13:16.395
Speaker 0: Which is not uncommon, I found out afterwards.

00:13:16.395 --> 00:13:17.355
Speaker 1: Elvis did it?

00:13:17.355 --> 00:13:17.755
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:13:17.755 --> 00:13:18.315
Speaker 0: Well, I know.

00:13:18.315 --> 00:13:18.635
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:13:18.635 --> 00:13:20.785
Speaker 0: That's kinda nice to equate my dad to Elvis.

00:13:20.785 --> 00:13:23.640
Speaker 2: You know, nothing about him said Elvis to you up until this point.

00:13:23.640 --> 00:13:24.840
Speaker 0: He was also a Exactly.

00:13:24.840 --> 00:13:25.080
Speaker 0: I know.

00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:25.280
Speaker 0: He

00:13:25.240 --> 00:13:25.560
Speaker 2: was also

00:13:25.560 --> 00:13:26.520
Speaker 1: an accountant.

00:13:26.520 --> 00:13:26.720
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:13:26.680 --> 00:13:27.440
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:13:27.440 --> 00:13:28.200
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:13:28.200 --> 00:13:31.160
Speaker 0: But, you know, what what I found out is, like, you sit on the

00:13:31.160 --> 00:13:33.480
Speaker 0: toilet and it's that pressure Yeah.

00:13:33.480 --> 00:13:36.725
Speaker 0: That kinda creates a little bit of a cardiac issue.

00:13:36.725 --> 00:13:37.365
Speaker 0: Oh, okay.

00:13:37.365 --> 00:13:40.485
Speaker 0: And it was my mom was like, he looked fine.

00:13:40.485 --> 00:13:43.365
Speaker 0: And, unfortunately, it was a power outage.

00:13:43.365 --> 00:13:45.525
Speaker 0: Like, nothing is ever easy for my family.

00:13:45.525 --> 00:13:46.565
Speaker 0: Let's get that out of the way.

00:13:46.565 --> 00:13:48.245
Speaker 0: Like, there's always drama.

00:13:48.245 --> 00:13:51.950
Speaker 0: There's always chaos when there's big events.

00:13:51.950 --> 00:13:55.150
Speaker 0: And at that time, the power was out, and the phones were down.

00:13:55.150 --> 00:13:55.470
Speaker 0: No.

00:13:55.470 --> 00:13:58.990
Speaker 0: So my mom's like, I can't even phone nine one one.

00:13:58.990 --> 00:14:02.910
Speaker 0: I can't even, like so she got in her car and drove around the

00:14:02.910 --> 00:14:06.910
Speaker 0: whole town to all of her friends' houses to find which ones had power.

00:14:07.785 --> 00:14:10.425
Speaker 0: And she finally had to drive outside of the town.

00:14:10.425 --> 00:14:11.385
Speaker 1: He was still home on the toilet.

00:14:11.385 --> 00:14:14.345
Speaker 0: He was still home at the toilet because he was a bigger man.

00:14:14.345 --> 00:14:15.305
Speaker 2: He's not going anywhere.

00:14:15.305 --> 00:14:15.545
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:14:15.545 --> 00:14:18.390
Speaker 0: He's a bigger man, and there's no way my mom would have attempted to

00:14:18.390 --> 00:14:19.510
Speaker 0: move him.

00:14:19.510 --> 00:14:21.350
Speaker 0: And, Get him in the car.

00:14:21.350 --> 00:14:21.670
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:14:21.670 --> 00:14:24.870
Speaker 0: Well and he had clearly been there and had passed.

00:14:24.870 --> 00:14:27.590
Speaker 0: So there was no, like, reviving or anything.

00:14:27.590 --> 00:14:29.455
Speaker 0: And so

00:14:29.455 --> 00:14:30.655
Speaker 0: she found a house.

00:14:30.655 --> 00:14:32.735
Speaker 0: They called him back to the house.

00:14:32.735 --> 00:14:36.735
Speaker 0: And I have to say the like, the EMTs were fantastic.

00:14:37.615 --> 00:14:39.215
Speaker 0: They went and got a blanket.

00:14:39.215 --> 00:14:40.335
Speaker 0: They covered him.

00:14:40.335 --> 00:14:41.695
Speaker 0: They brought him to his bed.

00:14:41.695 --> 00:14:45.695
Speaker 0: They put him in the in the bed, got him looking comfortable, and

00:14:45.750 --> 00:14:48.150
Speaker 0: then then the coroner and everyone

00:14:48.150 --> 00:14:49.030
Speaker 2: So they placed him in

00:14:49.030 --> 00:14:50.550
Speaker 0: a more Appropriate way.

00:14:50.550 --> 00:14:53.510
Speaker 0: And so I think that was nice for my mom because to have him

00:14:53.510 --> 00:14:57.375
Speaker 0: sitting there while she was waiting for the coroner and the person that would

00:14:57.375 --> 00:14:59.695
Speaker 0: take the body away, like

00:14:59.695 --> 00:15:00.495
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:15:00.495 --> 00:15:02.255
Speaker 0: That's that's where she showers.

00:15:02.255 --> 00:15:04.735
Speaker 0: She would have to shower with them on the toilet.

00:15:04.735 --> 00:15:06.895
Speaker 2: And you said she woke up in the middle of the night crying but

00:15:06.895 --> 00:15:07.535
Speaker 2: didn't know why.

00:15:07.535 --> 00:15:07.735
Speaker 0: No.

00:15:07.695 --> 00:15:11.695
Speaker 0: So just so She just had a inkling that something wasn't right.

00:15:12.710 --> 00:15:14.390
Speaker 1: How did you find out?

00:15:14.390 --> 00:15:18.390
Speaker 0: So I knew something was wrong when,

00:15:18.390 --> 00:15:21.110
Speaker 0: I people couldn't get a hold of me.

00:15:21.110 --> 00:15:24.085
Speaker 0: And so I like, they were trying my phone, and then I got a

00:15:24.085 --> 00:15:28.085
Speaker 0: weird I got a Facebook message from one of my mom's friends

00:15:28.245 --> 00:15:28.805
Speaker 0: saying, hey.

00:15:28.805 --> 00:15:30.725
Speaker 0: Can you call your mom?

00:15:30.725 --> 00:15:32.725
Speaker 0: And that's when I had found out.

00:15:32.725 --> 00:15:34.565
Speaker 0: So I was in Saskatoon.

00:15:34.565 --> 00:15:35.445
Speaker 0: They were in Hope.

00:15:35.445 --> 00:15:36.100
Speaker 0: So

00:15:36.100 --> 00:15:40.020
Speaker 1: And what well, like, what stands out to you in that moment that you

00:15:40.020 --> 00:15:43.140
Speaker 1: look back and kind of always remember when you first heard your dad had

00:15:43.140 --> 00:15:43.780
Speaker 1: died?

00:15:43.780 --> 00:15:46.260
Speaker 0: I think there was a sense of being numb.

00:15:46.260 --> 00:15:46.740
Speaker 0: Mhmm.

00:15:46.740 --> 00:15:47.140
Speaker 0: Right?

00:15:47.140 --> 00:15:51.140
Speaker 0: And I didn't and I I think what we have to also

00:15:51.795 --> 00:15:55.795
Speaker 0: kinda mention is it was eighteen months from diagnosis

00:15:56.035 --> 00:15:57.795
Speaker 0: to when my dad passed.

00:15:57.795 --> 00:16:00.915
Speaker 2: So you'd spent some time It was a considering these sort of scenarios.

00:16:00.915 --> 00:16:02.115
Speaker 2: Maybe not this exact one.

00:16:02.115 --> 00:16:02.515
Speaker 2: No.

00:16:02.515 --> 00:16:02.835
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:16:02.835 --> 00:16:03.635
Speaker 2: But something like

00:16:03.635 --> 00:16:03.875
Speaker 0: this.

00:16:03.875 --> 00:16:04.195
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:16:04.195 --> 00:16:05.860
Speaker 0: And it was a process.

00:16:05.860 --> 00:16:06.100
Speaker 0: Right?

00:16:06.100 --> 00:16:08.500
Speaker 0: Because he was doing immunotherapies.

00:16:08.500 --> 00:16:08.980
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:16:08.980 --> 00:16:12.580
Speaker 0: And, like, there was even the points where,

00:16:12.580 --> 00:16:16.580
Speaker 0: if you know, depending on where you're listening from, the town of

00:16:16.580 --> 00:16:18.885
Speaker 0: Hope was,

00:16:18.885 --> 00:16:22.005
Speaker 0: stuck and surrounded by mudslides and landslides.

00:16:22.005 --> 00:16:26.005
Speaker 0: All the highways in and out of the town were closed, due to

00:16:26.245 --> 00:16:30.245
Speaker 0: the weather conditions, and my dad was still still doing medical treatments

00:16:30.485 --> 00:16:31.925
Speaker 0: and immunotherapies.

00:16:31.925 --> 00:16:34.940
Speaker 0: And so

00:16:34.940 --> 00:16:38.620
Speaker 0: those were the things that I was thinking about is, like, were all these

00:16:38.620 --> 00:16:41.900
Speaker 0: factors of him not being able to get treatment or get there in time?

00:16:41.900 --> 00:16:43.340
Speaker 0: Like, could we have delayed it?

00:16:43.340 --> 00:16:44.860
Speaker 0: Could we postponed it?

00:16:44.860 --> 00:16:46.380
Speaker 0: I should have been there more.

00:16:46.380 --> 00:16:48.495
Speaker 0: I thought I had more time.

00:16:48.495 --> 00:16:52.335
Speaker 0: Those were the questions that were going through my head were like and then

00:16:52.335 --> 00:16:53.535
Speaker 0: I was like, oh my god.

00:16:53.535 --> 00:16:56.175
Speaker 0: How am I gonna I'm in Saskatoon.

00:16:56.175 --> 00:17:00.175
Speaker 0: I need to get home, and I couldn't get home for almost a week

00:17:00.175 --> 00:17:03.020
Speaker 0: just because of the the weather conditions and flights.

00:17:03.020 --> 00:17:06.940
Speaker 0: So I kinda went more less into, like, what am I feeling?

00:17:06.940 --> 00:17:08.460
Speaker 0: What are my emotions?

00:17:08.460 --> 00:17:10.700
Speaker 0: Because I remember the one thing my dad said to me.

00:17:10.700 --> 00:17:14.620
Speaker 0: We went for a beer and hope at the a cool little local brewery,

00:17:14.620 --> 00:17:17.395
Speaker 0: just my sister, my dad, and myself.

00:17:17.395 --> 00:17:19.875
Speaker 0: And he said, the one thing I need you to do is take care

00:17:19.875 --> 00:17:21.315
Speaker 0: of your mom.

00:17:21.315 --> 00:17:23.395
Speaker 0: And I'm sitting there going, Jesus Christ.

00:17:23.395 --> 00:17:24.915
Speaker 0: I can't even get home.

00:17:24.915 --> 00:17:26.675
Speaker 0: How am I gonna take care of my mom?

00:17:26.675 --> 00:17:28.275
Speaker 0: Because my sister's in Calgary.

00:17:28.275 --> 00:17:30.140
Speaker 0: She can't even get home right now.

00:17:30.140 --> 00:17:34.140
Speaker 0: So she was actually able to get a last minute flight into Abbotsford, get

00:17:34.300 --> 00:17:35.900
Speaker 0: there within a day.

00:17:35.900 --> 00:17:38.940
Speaker 0: It took me about five, six days to get home.

00:17:38.940 --> 00:17:42.795
Speaker 1: In those five or six days, was there anybody that showed up that that

00:17:42.795 --> 00:17:45.915
Speaker 1: you just never would have expected that that supported you?

00:17:45.915 --> 00:17:49.915
Speaker 0: I think my family rallied around me.

00:17:50.555 --> 00:17:52.955
Speaker 0: My husband was very supportive.

00:17:52.955 --> 00:17:56.955
Speaker 0: My in laws in Victoria were very supportive in

00:17:57.190 --> 00:17:57.910
Speaker 0: their family.

00:17:57.910 --> 00:18:01.910
Speaker 0: And so I my brother-in-law out of Toronto

00:18:02.070 --> 00:18:05.670
Speaker 0: by marriage also had his father pass away.

00:18:05.670 --> 00:18:08.790
Speaker 0: He was a great resource, as well.

00:18:08.790 --> 00:18:12.790
Speaker 0: So it was more the, like, the inner circle, let's call it,

00:18:13.045 --> 00:18:16.885
Speaker 0: more so than new faces or old friends.

00:18:16.885 --> 00:18:18.245
Speaker 0: But I had great messages.

00:18:18.245 --> 00:18:21.045
Speaker 0: My dad was a known person in the town.

00:18:21.045 --> 00:18:22.325
Speaker 0: Like, people knew him.

00:18:22.325 --> 00:18:26.190
Speaker 0: So, like, out of the blue, I think, you know, you get the nice

00:18:26.190 --> 00:18:29.470
Speaker 0: messages and memories and shared and and whatnot.

00:18:29.470 --> 00:18:29.950
Speaker 0: So

00:18:29.950 --> 00:18:32.510
Speaker 2: I so I'm just putting myself in your shoes here.

00:18:32.510 --> 00:18:35.710
Speaker 2: So you're you're not able to come and take care of your mom, and

00:18:35.710 --> 00:18:39.385
Speaker 2: you're not able to actually step into this position that he had asked you

00:18:39.385 --> 00:18:39.945
Speaker 2: to.

00:18:39.945 --> 00:18:41.385
Speaker 2: But then at some point, you are.

00:18:41.385 --> 00:18:43.465
Speaker 2: So you arrive on the scene.

00:18:43.465 --> 00:18:45.705
Speaker 2: Are you are you trying to catch up?

00:18:45.705 --> 00:18:49.705
Speaker 2: What's what's the mentality of you coming into this scene hot, I guess,

00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:52.520
Speaker 2: but the you're now five days past when you'd ideally want?

00:18:52.520 --> 00:18:54.680
Speaker 2: Are you starting the planning, clipboard in hand?

00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:55.640
Speaker 2: Or who's

00:18:55.640 --> 00:18:57.400
Speaker 0: who's Blair when you have something?

00:18:57.400 --> 00:18:57.960
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:18:57.960 --> 00:18:59.240
Speaker 0: I'm a little bit neurotic.

00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:01.720
Speaker 0: I think the first thing is we kinda celebrated.

00:19:01.720 --> 00:19:05.720
Speaker 0: We took the moment to actually allow ourselves to be in

00:19:05.835 --> 00:19:07.755
Speaker 0: shock,

00:19:07.755 --> 00:19:11.275
Speaker 0: to grieve, to remember some of the funny things.

00:19:11.275 --> 00:19:15.275
Speaker 0: Like, I remember, like, during this process, my dad would be like,

00:19:15.275 --> 00:19:17.040
Speaker 0: oh, my iPad's cracked.

00:19:17.040 --> 00:19:20.240
Speaker 0: And my mom's like, well, just buy another fucking iPad.

00:19:20.240 --> 00:19:20.720
Speaker 0: Right?

00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:23.040
Speaker 0: And he's like, well, what's the point?

00:19:23.040 --> 00:19:25.040
Speaker 0: Because he's gonna be dead in a couple months.

00:19:25.040 --> 00:19:25.680
Speaker 0: Right?

00:19:25.680 --> 00:19:26.640
Speaker 0: Same with his bed.

00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:27.920
Speaker 0: She's like, buy a new bed.

00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:29.695
Speaker 0: He's like, well, what's the point?

00:19:29.695 --> 00:19:30.895
Speaker 0: That's the morbidness.

00:19:30.895 --> 00:19:31.215
Speaker 0: Right?

00:19:31.215 --> 00:19:32.495
Speaker 0: He's like, there's no point.

00:19:32.495 --> 00:19:35.055
Speaker 0: He's like, I can last another couple months on this bed.

00:19:35.055 --> 00:19:36.255
Speaker 0: Like, jeez.

00:19:36.255 --> 00:19:39.855
Speaker 0: And my mom was like, what so we we had moments where we, like,

00:19:39.855 --> 00:19:43.055
Speaker 0: celebrated those and remembered.

00:19:43.055 --> 00:19:47.055
Speaker 0: But then I I went into my, like, my neurotic, okay, what's

00:19:47.300 --> 00:19:48.020
Speaker 0: next steps?

00:19:48.020 --> 00:19:51.300
Speaker 0: We need to go down to the funeral home.

00:19:51.300 --> 00:19:55.300
Speaker 0: We need to figure out, are we doing

00:19:55.300 --> 00:19:57.555
Speaker 0: are we going to,

00:19:57.555 --> 00:19:59.875
Speaker 0: appease him and not do a funeral?

00:19:59.875 --> 00:20:01.315
Speaker 0: Or Oh, that was suspicious?

00:20:01.315 --> 00:20:03.395
Speaker 0: He did not want anything.

00:20:03.395 --> 00:20:03.795
Speaker 0: Do we?

00:20:03.795 --> 00:20:04.675
Speaker 0: Do we not?

00:20:04.675 --> 00:20:06.835
Speaker 0: Is that good for him if we do it?

00:20:06.835 --> 00:20:09.315
Speaker 0: Is it better for us if we do it?

00:20:09.315 --> 00:20:10.675
Speaker 0: What do we want to do?

00:20:10.675 --> 00:20:13.310
Speaker 1: What what do you factor in when you think about is it better for

00:20:13.310 --> 00:20:14.270
Speaker 1: us?

00:20:14.270 --> 00:20:16.430
Speaker 0: Well, I factored in the fact that he was dead.

00:20:16.430 --> 00:20:16.910
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:20:16.910 --> 00:20:19.470
Speaker 0: So so it's like So his opinion?

00:20:19.470 --> 00:20:19.790
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:20:19.790 --> 00:20:20.030
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:20:20.030 --> 00:20:22.350
Speaker 0: If we do it or we don't, really, does it matter?

00:20:22.350 --> 00:20:23.070
Speaker 1: What's he gonna do?

00:20:23.070 --> 00:20:23.630
Speaker 0: Matter to him.

00:20:23.630 --> 00:20:27.385
Speaker 0: What is he gonna do from, like, whatever you believe in above, he's gonna,

00:20:27.385 --> 00:20:28.585
Speaker 0: like, strike me down?

00:20:28.585 --> 00:20:29.945
Speaker 0: And when you say funeral,

00:20:29.945 --> 00:20:32.265
Speaker 1: are you talking about, like, he didn't want a religious funeral?

00:20:32.265 --> 00:20:32.465
Speaker 1: No.

00:20:32.345 --> 00:20:33.385
Speaker 1: He just didn't want any sort

00:20:33.385 --> 00:20:34.905
Speaker 0: of He didn't want anything.

00:20:34.905 --> 00:20:38.905
Speaker 0: He just wanted to go into the abyss and and be that.

00:20:39.145 --> 00:20:40.790
Speaker 0: And And in the end, we were like, you know what?

00:20:40.790 --> 00:20:42.390
Speaker 0: We're gonna do something small.

00:20:42.390 --> 00:20:44.150
Speaker 0: We just did it at our house.

00:20:44.150 --> 00:20:47.510
Speaker 0: My husband is known for PowerPoint presentations.

00:20:47.510 --> 00:20:50.710
Speaker 0: So he did an incredible PowerPoint, which we just had on the TV.

00:20:50.710 --> 00:20:51.910
Speaker 0: My dad was a world traveler.

00:20:51.910 --> 00:20:54.695
Speaker 0: I think that's one thing we miss talking about him.

00:20:54.695 --> 00:20:56.775
Speaker 0: He loved to travel.

00:20:56.775 --> 00:20:59.895
Speaker 0: And he traveled the world because even when I found out that he didn't

00:20:59.895 --> 00:21:01.975
Speaker 0: have long to live, I said, what's your bucket list?

00:21:01.975 --> 00:21:04.215
Speaker 0: What are we gonna do?

00:21:04.215 --> 00:21:06.135
Speaker 0: And so he was like, I don't care.

00:21:06.135 --> 00:21:07.815
Speaker 0: He's like, I don't wanna do anything.

00:21:07.815 --> 00:21:09.490
Speaker 0: I've traveled the world.

00:21:09.490 --> 00:21:12.690
Speaker 0: I've been everywhere that I want to go.

00:21:12.690 --> 00:21:16.370
Speaker 0: I want to just enjoy my oasis of my house and backyard.

00:21:16.370 --> 00:21:17.410
Speaker 0: I'm like, fair.

00:21:17.410 --> 00:21:21.410
Speaker 0: So we had an incredible PowerPoint because there was, like, trips to Egypt, Asia,

00:21:21.890 --> 00:21:24.290
Speaker 0: Australia, and we're talking, like, big trips.

00:21:24.290 --> 00:21:28.290
Speaker 0: So it was kinda nice that everyone was able to gather around

00:21:28.435 --> 00:21:29.155
Speaker 0: those photos.

00:21:29.155 --> 00:21:33.155
Speaker 0: And it was just it wasn't like a big thing where we invited

00:21:33.235 --> 00:21:34.195
Speaker 0: a million people.

00:21:34.195 --> 00:21:38.195
Speaker 0: It was really just some of his work colleagues that knew him, family

00:21:38.780 --> 00:21:39.500
Speaker 0: that knew him.

00:21:39.500 --> 00:21:43.020
Speaker 0: And I think it was good for all of us, even though he didn't

00:21:43.020 --> 00:21:43.660
Speaker 0: want it.

00:21:43.660 --> 00:21:45.580
Speaker 2: Did you ever travel with him?

00:21:45.580 --> 00:21:46.140
Speaker 0: Yes.

00:21:46.140 --> 00:21:49.500
Speaker 0: So we actually traveled quite a bit together.

00:21:49.500 --> 00:21:52.615
Speaker 0: But our biggest trip was,

00:21:52.615 --> 00:21:56.215
Speaker 0: when I was done my first degree and moving into a second.

00:21:56.215 --> 00:21:58.615
Speaker 0: Also, my dad didn't care what I did.

00:21:58.615 --> 00:22:02.615
Speaker 0: He was like, you are my my sister will agree with this golden child.

00:22:04.295 --> 00:22:08.130
Speaker 0: And he supported me no matter how crazy I was.

00:22:08.130 --> 00:22:12.130
Speaker 0: And so I he I had done a trip with my mom to

00:22:12.130 --> 00:22:14.530
Speaker 0: London and Paris when I was traveling the world.

00:22:14.530 --> 00:22:17.490
Speaker 0: And I said to him I said, I wanna do a trip with you.

00:22:17.490 --> 00:22:18.990
Speaker 0: And one of the things, he had been to Africa but hadn't seen all

00:22:18.990 --> 00:22:19.190
Speaker 0: the big five.

00:22:19.020 --> 00:22:23.020
Speaker 0: So we actually did a trip to Kenya, Kenya

00:22:23.515 --> 00:22:27.515
Speaker 0: actually did a trip to Kenya, Kenya and Tanzania together, a big

00:22:27.915 --> 00:22:28.275
Speaker 0: safari.

00:22:28.275 --> 00:22:32.275
Speaker 0: I'm big into mountains and climbing, and he surprised me with,

00:22:32.475 --> 00:22:32.955
Speaker 0: a hike.

00:22:32.955 --> 00:22:34.235
Speaker 0: He my dad didn't do it.

00:22:34.235 --> 00:22:37.660
Speaker 0: Let's preface that, to climb Kilimanjaro.

00:22:37.660 --> 00:22:41.340
Speaker 0: And that was just a really kinda one, I wish he would have told

00:22:41.340 --> 00:22:44.700
Speaker 0: me so I could have trained.

00:22:44.700 --> 00:22:48.700
Speaker 0: But, yeah, it was such a great trip for us to have those memories.

00:22:49.725 --> 00:22:53.325
Speaker 0: And I just remember one time, we were sitting in the lodge drinking gin

00:22:53.325 --> 00:22:57.325
Speaker 0: and tonics, because gin and tonics supposedly help with the mosquitoes.

00:22:57.725 --> 00:23:01.725
Speaker 0: Because the, we thought the gin had the quinine,

00:23:02.045 --> 00:23:04.650
Speaker 0: the the stuff for the malaria pills.

00:23:04.650 --> 00:23:06.250
Speaker 0: And it's not the gin.

00:23:06.250 --> 00:23:07.690
Speaker 0: It's the tonic.

00:23:07.690 --> 00:23:11.690
Speaker 0: And so we were drinking triple gins with a splash of tonic

00:23:12.010 --> 00:23:14.090
Speaker 0: and absolutely got plastered.

00:23:14.090 --> 00:23:14.570
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:23:14.570 --> 00:23:14.890
Speaker 0: Right?

00:23:14.890 --> 00:23:15.245
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:23:15.245 --> 00:23:16.365
Speaker 0: But we were like, we're saving

00:23:16.365 --> 00:23:17.965
Speaker 2: ourselves for our the mosquito.

00:23:17.965 --> 00:23:18.925
Speaker 2: The elevation.

00:23:18.925 --> 00:23:20.525
Speaker 0: And we never got malaria.

00:23:20.525 --> 00:23:22.285
Speaker 0: So, really, it's like

00:23:22.285 --> 00:23:23.805
Speaker 1: And we forgot to climb the mountain.

00:23:23.805 --> 00:23:24.125
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:23:24.125 --> 00:23:24.525
Speaker 0: No.

00:23:24.525 --> 00:23:27.700
Speaker 0: That was prior to the mountain, and I didn't make it.

00:23:27.700 --> 00:23:31.220
Speaker 0: And I think what was really cool is in my dad's bedroom, he had

00:23:31.220 --> 00:23:34.900
Speaker 0: a blown up picture of my cell on the top of Kilimanjaro.

00:23:34.900 --> 00:23:35.300
Speaker 0: So yeah.

00:23:35.300 --> 00:23:39.300
Speaker 0: So he was always very, yeah, a world traveler and instilled

00:23:39.300 --> 00:23:39.940
Speaker 0: that in us.

00:23:39.940 --> 00:23:43.940
Speaker 1: So Blair, how how are you how are you doing with your dad's passing

00:23:44.105 --> 00:23:44.425
Speaker 1: now?

00:23:44.425 --> 00:23:47.225
Speaker 1: It's I mean, it's been three years.

00:23:47.225 --> 00:23:47.705
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:23:47.705 --> 00:23:51.705
Speaker 0: It took it for me, it took a long time because I think

00:23:51.865 --> 00:23:55.865
Speaker 0: the first six months to the year was really supporting my mom.

00:23:57.440 --> 00:24:00.800
Speaker 0: Funny enough, my mom, she didn't even know how to pump gas.

00:24:00.800 --> 00:24:02.480
Speaker 0: My dad always had her car filled.

00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:05.520
Speaker 1: It's always a stereotypical question of, like Yeah.

00:24:05.520 --> 00:24:07.200
Speaker 0: My mom was a brilliant woman.

00:24:07.200 --> 00:24:10.400
Speaker 0: She ran a successful company, clothing company.

00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:14.400
Speaker 0: She was a teacher by trade, very, very successful, but my my dad

00:24:14.685 --> 00:24:16.605
Speaker 0: treated her like a a princess.

00:24:16.605 --> 00:24:18.685
Speaker 0: So she's like, I never had to pump gas.

00:24:18.685 --> 00:24:20.685
Speaker 0: She's like, it was always just full.

00:24:20.685 --> 00:24:22.445
Speaker 0: And I'm like, oh, that must be nice.

00:24:22.445 --> 00:24:25.965
Speaker 0: So I think we we had a lot to do as much as my

00:24:25.965 --> 00:24:29.965
Speaker 0: dad said he combined the and maybe that's a bit of advice is

00:24:30.060 --> 00:24:34.060
Speaker 0: no matter if you have time or not in the passing of your parent,

00:24:34.780 --> 00:24:37.580
Speaker 0: never trust them by what they're saying.

00:24:37.580 --> 00:24:41.175
Speaker 0: Dig a little bit deeper because he's like, oh, I've I've cleaned up all

00:24:41.175 --> 00:24:45.175
Speaker 0: my finances, and I've cleaned up all the passwords to all the different accounts

00:24:45.335 --> 00:24:46.135
Speaker 0: that he has.

00:24:46.135 --> 00:24:48.535
Speaker 0: And to be honest, no.

00:24:48.535 --> 00:24:51.255
Speaker 0: And it was a and I should have sat down with him and done

00:24:51.255 --> 00:24:55.255
Speaker 0: a spreadsheet because he was an old school accountant with

00:24:55.350 --> 00:24:59.350
Speaker 0: paper and notes and password on this random piece of paper.

00:24:59.590 --> 00:25:02.230
Speaker 0: So I didn't even know we couldn't even go through his files because we

00:25:02.230 --> 00:25:04.790
Speaker 0: didn't even know what we could throw out and what we had to save

00:25:04.790 --> 00:25:08.790
Speaker 0: because god knows it probably had some important password on it.

00:25:09.875 --> 00:25:13.315
Speaker 0: So I think that's, for me, one of the thing the first year was

00:25:13.315 --> 00:25:14.195
Speaker 0: a bit of cleanup.

00:25:14.195 --> 00:25:18.195
Speaker 0: And luckily, my mom's my dad's pension transferred to my mom,

00:25:18.355 --> 00:25:22.355
Speaker 0: and we were able to like, all those things got tidied up pretty quickly.

00:25:24.070 --> 00:25:28.070
Speaker 0: But personally, it took a huge toll on my mental health and my physical

00:25:28.070 --> 00:25:32.070
Speaker 0: health, to the point where I actually I dropped drastic

00:25:32.390 --> 00:25:36.390
Speaker 0: weight, stopped eating, tried to go back to work, and

00:25:36.715 --> 00:25:39.435
Speaker 0: I was and work was my outlet.

00:25:39.435 --> 00:25:43.435
Speaker 0: But what I realized was everything else was falling apart around me.

00:25:43.675 --> 00:25:47.675
Speaker 0: Like, I could go to work, do my job, do it well, and succeed,

00:25:47.915 --> 00:25:50.730
Speaker 0: but then I was taking it out on my family.

00:25:50.730 --> 00:25:52.330
Speaker 0: I was taking it out on my mom.

00:25:52.330 --> 00:25:54.730
Speaker 0: I was taking it out on my sister.

00:25:54.730 --> 00:25:58.010
Speaker 0: And it wasn't until I kinda had this and I was a partner at

00:25:58.010 --> 00:26:01.850
Speaker 0: the company, so I had that added pressure to make sure the my business

00:26:01.850 --> 00:26:03.370
Speaker 0: was successful.

00:26:03.370 --> 00:26:07.305
Speaker 0: And so I had this wake up call, and I said, I need to

00:26:07.305 --> 00:26:09.865
Speaker 0: leave as partner, and I need time.

00:26:09.865 --> 00:26:13.865
Speaker 0: And luckily for me, the company, LMNO, and the other partners

00:26:13.865 --> 00:26:15.625
Speaker 0: were so supportive in that.

00:26:15.625 --> 00:26:19.625
Speaker 0: So I actually sold my partnership, stayed on in my current role.

00:26:20.030 --> 00:26:24.030
Speaker 0: And I took a month off with my family, and we just

00:26:24.270 --> 00:26:28.270
Speaker 0: lived and took care of myself and kind of figure out

00:26:28.590 --> 00:26:30.350
Speaker 0: what it looked like next.

00:26:30.350 --> 00:26:33.950
Speaker 2: Why do you think you were driving yourself so hard?

00:26:33.950 --> 00:26:37.365
Speaker 2: I don't know if that's ever like, you you sound like I don't know

00:26:37.365 --> 00:26:39.205
Speaker 2: what the expression, like, the devil was at your back.

00:26:39.205 --> 00:26:40.565
Speaker 2: Like, you're cognizant.

00:26:40.565 --> 00:26:40.885
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:26:40.885 --> 00:26:42.005
Speaker 2: I'm pushing myself hard.

00:26:42.005 --> 00:26:43.445
Speaker 2: I'm making myself.

00:26:43.445 --> 00:26:46.965
Speaker 2: As a part of you asked, am I trying to bring him back, or

00:26:46.965 --> 00:26:49.365
Speaker 2: am I trying to am I trying to Prove something?

00:26:49.365 --> 00:26:50.005
Speaker 2: Prove something?

00:26:50.005 --> 00:26:54.005
Speaker 2: Like, is there a part of you that's questioning what what put

00:26:54.160 --> 00:26:55.200
Speaker 2: me into this state?

00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:58.480
Speaker 2: And, thankfully, a state that you're no longer in and you pulled yourself out

00:26:58.480 --> 00:26:58.680
Speaker 2: of.

00:26:58.640 --> 00:26:58.880
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:26:58.880 --> 00:27:01.040
Speaker 2: That that instigation.

00:27:01.040 --> 00:27:01.440
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:27:01.440 --> 00:27:03.945
Speaker 0: I think for me, my dad was my go to.

00:27:03.945 --> 00:27:06.905
Speaker 0: I think people would find it really weird that I talked to my parents

00:27:06.905 --> 00:27:08.585
Speaker 0: almost daily or did.

00:27:08.585 --> 00:27:10.745
Speaker 0: I I still talk to my mom probably.

00:27:10.745 --> 00:27:14.025
Speaker 0: Like, if I don't call her for a couple days, she's like, where were

00:27:14.025 --> 00:27:15.705
Speaker 0: you?

00:27:15.705 --> 00:27:19.705
Speaker 0: But with my dad, I called him for everything, every advice.

00:27:20.100 --> 00:27:24.100
Speaker 0: Not necessarily always looking for advice, but looking for his

00:27:24.340 --> 00:27:28.340
Speaker 0: thoughts because he was such a a successful, supportive

00:27:28.500 --> 00:27:28.980
Speaker 0: dad.

00:27:28.980 --> 00:27:32.020
Speaker 0: I was very fortunate that way.

00:27:32.020 --> 00:27:34.245
Speaker 0: I didn't have that anymore.

00:27:34.245 --> 00:27:38.245
Speaker 0: So what I tried to do was fill it by perseverance and success

00:27:38.885 --> 00:27:40.405
Speaker 0: to say, I don't need them.

00:27:40.405 --> 00:27:44.405
Speaker 0: I can do this on my own, and I will drive myself into my

00:27:44.485 --> 00:27:48.380
Speaker 0: grave trying to achieve this success,

00:27:48.380 --> 00:27:52.380
Speaker 0: where it was totally counterintuitive to what actually was happening.

00:27:52.860 --> 00:27:55.980
Speaker 0: And I was holding it to get and that's the other thing is, like,

00:27:55.980 --> 00:27:59.980
Speaker 0: you know, I think family saw it, but worked in it because I I

00:27:59.980 --> 00:28:03.980
Speaker 0: would never I held it together so well at work.

00:28:04.195 --> 00:28:08.195
Speaker 0: And then I think when I would get home, I would just it would

00:28:08.915 --> 00:28:09.715
Speaker 0: decompress.

00:28:09.715 --> 00:28:13.075
Speaker 1: And was there, like, a rock bottom moment, or, you know, was there a

00:28:13.075 --> 00:28:14.755
Speaker 1: big blow up of some sort?

00:28:14.755 --> 00:28:15.715
Speaker 1: Or did it

00:28:15.715 --> 00:28:18.940
Speaker 0: I think for me is when I realized I hadn't eaten anything in probably,

00:28:18.940 --> 00:28:21.180
Speaker 0: like, forty eight hours.

00:28:21.180 --> 00:28:25.020
Speaker 0: I was feeling it was a another control aspect.

00:28:25.020 --> 00:28:25.260
Speaker 0: Right?

00:28:25.260 --> 00:28:27.020
Speaker 0: I was like, oh, I don't need to eat.

00:28:27.020 --> 00:28:28.305
Speaker 0: I'm not I'm good.

00:28:28.305 --> 00:28:29.345
Speaker 0: I you know what?

00:28:29.345 --> 00:28:30.225
Speaker 0: Things I've gotta get done.

00:28:30.225 --> 00:28:30.425
Speaker 0: I

00:28:30.305 --> 00:28:30.585
Speaker 2: don't know.

00:28:30.585 --> 00:28:31.665
Speaker 0: I got things I gotta get done.

00:28:31.665 --> 00:28:34.385
Speaker 0: I gotta think about things I gotta keep moving.

00:28:34.385 --> 00:28:38.385
Speaker 0: I just didn't look healthy, and I clearly wasn't happy.

00:28:38.785 --> 00:28:42.145
Speaker 0: And I think that was a bit of a you know, I don't think

00:28:42.145 --> 00:28:46.145
Speaker 0: everyone has that ability to have that wake up call themselves.

00:28:47.350 --> 00:28:47.670
Speaker 0: Right?

00:28:47.670 --> 00:28:51.670
Speaker 0: And I and I wouldn't necessarily say it was rock bottom, but I clearly

00:28:51.830 --> 00:28:55.830
Speaker 0: was in a you know, and at that point, I was seeing a doctor.

00:28:56.150 --> 00:29:00.150
Speaker 0: I was she's like, definitely burnout is a diagnosis we

00:29:00.275 --> 00:29:00.995
Speaker 0: have for you.

00:29:00.995 --> 00:29:04.995
Speaker 0: I think that's another thing is people just it's easier to fill the void

00:29:06.035 --> 00:29:10.035
Speaker 0: than it is to try to deal with whatever emotions that you're dealing with

00:29:10.195 --> 00:29:10.675
Speaker 0: with the pain.

00:29:10.675 --> 00:29:11.475
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:29:11.475 --> 00:29:12.750
Speaker 0: Hundred percent.

00:29:12.750 --> 00:29:14.030
Speaker 0: So I was dealing with her.

00:29:14.030 --> 00:29:18.030
Speaker 0: I was on antidepressants, and I think that's the other thing is, like,

00:29:18.270 --> 00:29:21.790
Speaker 0: people have to be open to seeking help.

00:29:21.790 --> 00:29:23.790
Speaker 0: But more importantly,

00:29:23.790 --> 00:29:26.945
Speaker 0: you can't seek help unless you're open to talking about it.

00:29:26.945 --> 00:29:30.465
Speaker 0: And I wasn't open to talking about it

00:29:30.465 --> 00:29:31.185
Speaker 0: right away.

00:29:31.185 --> 00:29:33.665
Speaker 0: It took me a little bit of time to get there.

00:29:33.665 --> 00:29:34.145
Speaker 0: So

00:29:34.145 --> 00:29:37.905
Speaker 1: So you said that your dad was your go to.

00:29:37.905 --> 00:29:41.520
Speaker 1: Is there anything, like, is there anything right now that you just you can't

00:29:41.520 --> 00:29:45.280
Speaker 1: go to anybody else except him that you just wish he was here to

00:29:45.280 --> 00:29:47.360
Speaker 1: help solve or you could bounce off him?

00:29:47.360 --> 00:29:48.480
Speaker 1: Or

00:29:48.480 --> 00:29:49.200
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:29:49.200 --> 00:29:51.665
Speaker 0: Like, to be honest, everything.

00:29:51.665 --> 00:29:52.105
Speaker 0: Right?

00:29:52.105 --> 00:29:53.905
Speaker 0: Like, I miss that.

00:29:53.905 --> 00:29:54.305
Speaker 0: Right?

00:29:54.305 --> 00:29:58.305
Speaker 0: I miss that connection that I had with him.

00:29:59.265 --> 00:30:01.265
Speaker 2: Like because they have to give you advice anyway.

00:30:01.265 --> 00:30:01.465
Speaker 2: Right?

00:30:01.385 --> 00:30:01.905
Speaker 2: They do.

00:30:01.905 --> 00:30:03.105
Speaker 2: They have to answer the phone.

00:30:03.105 --> 00:30:03.345
Speaker 2: It.

00:30:03.345 --> 00:30:07.180
Speaker 0: And I I think in a way, it was to help me to give

00:30:07.180 --> 00:30:09.260
Speaker 0: me the strength to be you know what?

00:30:09.260 --> 00:30:10.860
Speaker 0: I am on the right path.

00:30:10.860 --> 00:30:14.860
Speaker 0: Like, even with the move to Vancouver,

00:30:14.860 --> 00:30:18.380
Speaker 0: right, it's a big financial burden to move to one of the most expensive

00:30:18.380 --> 00:30:21.665
Speaker 0: cities in the world, from Saskatoon, particularly.

00:30:21.665 --> 00:30:25.665
Speaker 0: You know, I had done spreadsheets of going financially, can we make this work?

00:30:25.745 --> 00:30:26.865
Speaker 2: Oh, he must have loved that.

00:30:26.865 --> 00:30:27.265
Speaker 1: Well, he

00:30:27.265 --> 00:30:29.665
Speaker 0: wasn't alive at all.

00:30:29.665 --> 00:30:30.705
Speaker 0: Geez, Scott.

00:30:30.705 --> 00:30:32.705
Speaker 0: Rub it rub it out.

00:30:32.705 --> 00:30:33.585
Speaker 0: That.

00:30:33.585 --> 00:30:34.190
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:30:34.190 --> 00:30:35.150
Speaker 2: He must have loved that.

00:30:35.150 --> 00:30:35.350
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:30:35.310 --> 00:30:35.870
Speaker 2: That's what I meant.

00:30:35.870 --> 00:30:36.830
Speaker 2: I was about to go up.

00:30:36.830 --> 00:30:38.030
Speaker 2: But yes.

00:30:38.030 --> 00:30:38.270
Speaker 0: No.

00:30:38.270 --> 00:30:42.270
Speaker 0: But, like, but it was so nice because I we met with our

00:30:42.350 --> 00:30:44.990
Speaker 0: accountant because my husband and I were both incorporated.

00:30:44.990 --> 00:30:47.485
Speaker 0: So we have an accountant, and he ran my numbers.

00:30:47.485 --> 00:30:49.485
Speaker 0: And I was off by four grand.

00:30:49.485 --> 00:30:50.845
Speaker 0: And we're not talking small numbers.

00:30:50.845 --> 00:30:52.045
Speaker 0: So I'm like, you know what?

00:30:52.045 --> 00:30:52.925
Speaker 0: Fuck yeah.

00:30:52.925 --> 00:30:54.605
Speaker 0: I was like, my dad would be proud.

00:30:54.605 --> 00:30:57.165
Speaker 0: I did it on my own, but I still wish I could have, like,

00:30:57.165 --> 00:30:58.860
Speaker 0: confirmed with him that I was.

00:30:58.860 --> 00:31:00.220
Speaker 0: Those are the things that I miss.

00:31:00.220 --> 00:31:04.220
Speaker 0: Because whenever I had to make a big life decision, I always went to

00:31:04.220 --> 00:31:04.540
Speaker 0: him.

00:31:04.540 --> 00:31:06.780
Speaker 1: Well, your parents are your life preserver in a lot of ways.

00:31:06.780 --> 00:31:09.900
Speaker 1: And you don't always need that life preserver, but you you wanna know it's

00:31:09.900 --> 00:31:10.220
Speaker 1: there.

00:31:10.220 --> 00:31:14.220
Speaker 1: It's kinda like a or a smoke detector, you know, anything that's gonna keep

00:31:14.345 --> 00:31:15.065
Speaker 1: you alive.

00:31:15.065 --> 00:31:16.665
Speaker 0: And he was so pragmatic.

00:31:16.665 --> 00:31:16.905
Speaker 0: Right?

00:31:16.905 --> 00:31:18.425
Speaker 0: Like, he was a matter of fact.

00:31:18.425 --> 00:31:18.745
Speaker 0: Right?

00:31:18.745 --> 00:31:19.865
Speaker 0: He would just lay it out.

00:31:19.865 --> 00:31:21.865
Speaker 0: There was no, like, sugarcoating.

00:31:21.865 --> 00:31:25.625
Speaker 0: There was no, like, appeasing me because he knew he I was gonna do

00:31:25.625 --> 00:31:26.505
Speaker 0: it anyways.

00:31:26.505 --> 00:31:26.745
Speaker 0: Right?

00:31:26.745 --> 00:31:30.000
Speaker 0: But he would just say, well, here's the pros and cons, and here's what

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:30.960
Speaker 0: you need to think about.

00:31:30.960 --> 00:31:33.680
Speaker 0: Because if I wanted crazy advice, I'd go to my mom.

00:31:33.680 --> 00:31:34.080
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:31:34.080 --> 00:31:34.800
Speaker 0: Right?

00:31:34.800 --> 00:31:37.680
Speaker 1: So where how does grief show up for you now?

00:31:37.680 --> 00:31:40.735
Speaker 1: Like, it like, what how does it manifest?

00:31:40.735 --> 00:31:44.735
Speaker 0: I've kinda rethought grief in a way is to manifest

00:31:45.375 --> 00:31:49.055
Speaker 0: memories and moments that remind me of my dad.

00:31:49.055 --> 00:31:50.815
Speaker 1: What are some examples of of those?

00:31:50.815 --> 00:31:54.815
Speaker 0: I think one thing is so after my dad passed,

00:31:55.490 --> 00:31:57.650
Speaker 0: my mom and I were talking.

00:31:57.650 --> 00:31:58.610
Speaker 0: And she's like, god.

00:31:58.610 --> 00:32:02.210
Speaker 0: Every time I go in the backyard, there's these Blue Jays, and they're so

00:32:02.210 --> 00:32:03.010
Speaker 0: annoying.

00:32:03.010 --> 00:32:07.010
Speaker 0: They're just sitting on the roof of the gazebo, like, cawing

00:32:07.535 --> 00:32:08.095
Speaker 0: at me.

00:32:08.095 --> 00:32:12.095
Speaker 0: Like and I'm like, well, mom, you do realize what that

00:32:12.175 --> 00:32:14.735
Speaker 0: bag of peanuts is in the garage.

00:32:14.735 --> 00:32:18.735
Speaker 0: Dad would go out and feed these Blue Jays every day.

00:32:19.260 --> 00:32:21.180
Speaker 0: I was like and my parents, like, bickered.

00:32:21.180 --> 00:32:21.980
Speaker 0: It was quite funny.

00:32:21.980 --> 00:32:25.820
Speaker 0: I was like, and this is now his way of punishing you since his

00:32:25.820 --> 00:32:29.820
Speaker 0: passing to continue the bickering between the two of you.

00:32:29.820 --> 00:32:33.820
Speaker 0: So what's really cool is that blue jay has become a symbol for

00:32:33.820 --> 00:32:35.275
Speaker 0: my dad.

00:32:35.275 --> 00:32:39.115
Speaker 0: And it was an interesting process for me because I I had at the

00:32:39.115 --> 00:32:43.115
Speaker 0: time, my son was five or just under five.

00:32:43.355 --> 00:32:47.210
Speaker 0: So he's at the stage where he understood what was going on.

00:32:47.210 --> 00:32:51.210
Speaker 0: And he an and he even brings up moments that he's sad about my

00:32:51.850 --> 00:32:53.690
Speaker 0: my dad passing.

00:32:53.690 --> 00:32:57.690
Speaker 0: But what's really cool is this whenever we see a Bluejay, he

00:32:57.690 --> 00:32:59.690
Speaker 0: goes, oh, it's papa Bob.

00:32:59.690 --> 00:33:01.635
Speaker 0: He's here with us.

00:33:01.635 --> 00:33:05.635
Speaker 0: So it's it's changing those moments of where it's sad

00:33:05.715 --> 00:33:08.275
Speaker 0: that he's not here Yeah.

00:33:08.275 --> 00:33:12.275
Speaker 0: Into something where it's more magical that he is

00:33:12.275 --> 00:33:12.995
Speaker 0: here.

00:33:12.995 --> 00:33:16.995
Speaker 0: And I think that's a way that I'm gonna keep his legacy alive

00:33:17.020 --> 00:33:21.020
Speaker 0: with my son who doesn't have that connection with him to that level.

00:33:21.500 --> 00:33:25.260
Speaker 0: So whenever we see a Blue Jay, it's like, there's dad.

00:33:25.260 --> 00:33:25.900
Speaker 0: He's watching.

00:33:25.900 --> 00:33:26.780
Speaker 0: He's here.

00:33:26.780 --> 00:33:29.955
Speaker 2: I think that's the thing that I'm always interested in is how people keep

00:33:29.955 --> 00:33:32.035
Speaker 2: their dads around.

00:33:32.035 --> 00:33:34.435
Speaker 2: What like, do you celebrate on his birthday?

00:33:34.435 --> 00:33:37.155
Speaker 2: Do you find a thing that he loved and try to do that with

00:33:37.155 --> 00:33:38.115
Speaker 2: your kids?

00:33:38.115 --> 00:33:41.235
Speaker 0: I don't choose specific days.

00:33:41.235 --> 00:33:45.235
Speaker 0: Even this year, his the day of his passing, I didn't

00:33:45.235 --> 00:33:48.620
Speaker 0: even I didn't even remember.

00:33:48.620 --> 00:33:52.620
Speaker 0: And not in a bad way, but I was like, I have so many

00:33:52.620 --> 00:33:56.140
Speaker 0: other positive things to remember him about.

00:33:56.140 --> 00:33:58.785
Speaker 0: I don't need a day of mourning for him.

00:33:58.785 --> 00:34:02.625
Speaker 0: I need a I need days of remembering and celebration.

00:34:02.625 --> 00:34:06.625
Speaker 2: I've set myself a particular challenge because, I've told my kids that

00:34:06.705 --> 00:34:09.505
Speaker 2: we can go to Dairy Queen because that was his favorite dessert.

00:34:09.505 --> 00:34:10.865
Speaker 2: And so they are like, hey.

00:34:10.865 --> 00:34:12.960
Speaker 2: Is it his, anniversary's death?

00:34:12.960 --> 00:34:14.160
Speaker 2: We wanna get to Dairy Queen.

00:34:14.160 --> 00:34:18.000
Speaker 2: I I feel like even if I wanna forget, I've now put myself into

00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:19.680
Speaker 2: a scenario where it's no longer possible.

00:34:19.680 --> 00:34:21.120
Speaker 0: Can't go wrong with Dairy Queen, though.

00:34:21.120 --> 00:34:25.040
Speaker 1: How do you think losing your dad has has taught you about being a

00:34:25.040 --> 00:34:26.065
Speaker 1: parent?

00:34:26.065 --> 00:34:28.705
Speaker 0: I think it's to appreciate time.

00:34:28.705 --> 00:34:29.185
Speaker 0: Right?

00:34:29.185 --> 00:34:33.185
Speaker 0: I have even, since the move to Vancouver, reduced my work week, so I

00:34:33.185 --> 00:34:37.185
Speaker 0: only work nine to three, again, thanks to my job and

00:34:37.185 --> 00:34:38.790
Speaker 0: then being supportive.

00:34:38.790 --> 00:34:42.790
Speaker 0: So I I try to be more present and more involved

00:34:42.870 --> 00:34:43.590
Speaker 0: and more active.

00:34:43.590 --> 00:34:47.590
Speaker 0: I take him to all his activities, soccer games, and I think

00:34:47.750 --> 00:34:51.045
Speaker 0: it's to as much as

00:34:51.045 --> 00:34:55.045
Speaker 0: he frustrates me, my son, and drives me nuts,

00:34:55.445 --> 00:34:58.565
Speaker 0: I think it's just being a lot more present.

00:34:58.565 --> 00:35:00.565
Speaker 0: You you can't get time back.

00:35:00.565 --> 00:35:01.045
Speaker 0: Right?

00:35:01.045 --> 00:35:05.045
Speaker 0: That's probably my biggest regret with his passing is during that

00:35:05.170 --> 00:35:09.170
Speaker 0: time of diagnosis to his passing, I should have made time.

00:35:09.810 --> 00:35:13.490
Speaker 0: I always found an excuse not to go back.

00:35:13.490 --> 00:35:17.015
Speaker 0: Now we were always on the phone, and we were always in contact, but

00:35:17.015 --> 00:35:21.015
Speaker 0: that's just a different experience than actually physically being there with him.

00:35:21.495 --> 00:35:25.495
Speaker 0: That is literally my only regret of my whole life with my dad,

00:35:26.935 --> 00:35:30.935
Speaker 0: is that eighteen months that I didn't make a better effort to go

00:35:31.015 --> 00:35:32.140
Speaker 0: home.

00:35:32.140 --> 00:35:36.140
Speaker 0: And I think that will be I'll carry that with me in a good

00:35:36.140 --> 00:35:37.260
Speaker 0: way to say, hey.

00:35:37.260 --> 00:35:39.020
Speaker 0: I'm gonna make the effort for my son.

00:35:39.020 --> 00:35:41.580
Speaker 0: I'm gonna make the effort for my sister, for my mom.

00:35:41.580 --> 00:35:44.780
Speaker 0: I'm going up to visit my mom this weekend just for the night with

00:35:44.780 --> 00:35:47.445
Speaker 0: my son, because I haven't seen her enough.

00:35:47.445 --> 00:35:51.445
Speaker 0: So I'm making the effort, and that's that's what we'll continue to

00:35:51.765 --> 00:35:51.965
Speaker 2: do.

00:35:51.845 --> 00:35:55.845
Speaker 2: I wanna ask, what about the first time that Ollie presents you, with

00:35:55.925 --> 00:35:59.605
Speaker 2: a spreadsheet on why you should buy him a new, dragon three d dragon

00:35:59.605 --> 00:36:00.710
Speaker 2: toy?

00:36:00.710 --> 00:36:01.590
Speaker 2: When's that coming?

00:36:01.590 --> 00:36:03.190
Speaker 2: I'm What's that moment gonna look like?

00:36:03.190 --> 00:36:06.070
Speaker 2: When he lays those numbers out for you and there's no

00:36:06.070 --> 00:36:07.590
Speaker 1: Or will it be a PowerPoint?

00:36:07.590 --> 00:36:09.190
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's hard to say.

00:36:09.190 --> 00:36:09.430
Speaker 1: He can

00:36:09.430 --> 00:36:11.750
Speaker 2: he can amalgamate both of your strengths.

00:36:11.750 --> 00:36:13.990
Speaker 2: You got a real winner on your hands here.

00:36:13.990 --> 00:36:16.225
Speaker 0: I wish that was the case.

00:36:16.225 --> 00:36:19.745
Speaker 0: My kid is a live in the moment

00:36:19.745 --> 00:36:20.785
Speaker 0: crazy kid.

00:36:20.785 --> 00:36:24.065
Speaker 0: I will be floored if he comes with a spreadsheet.

00:36:24.065 --> 00:36:24.785
Speaker 0: It's coming.

00:36:24.785 --> 00:36:25.025
Speaker 0: Okay.

00:36:25.025 --> 00:36:25.345
Speaker 0: Yeah.

00:36:25.345 --> 00:36:25.985
Speaker 0: I can feel it.

00:36:25.985 --> 00:36:28.705
Speaker 0: I'll hold you to that, but I just I don't know if he's that

00:36:28.705 --> 00:36:30.460
Speaker 0: kid.

00:36:30.460 --> 00:36:34.060
Speaker 0: He's he's genius well, I think, genius in other ways.

00:36:34.060 --> 00:36:37.660
Speaker 0: But spreadsheets and accounting, we have a ways to go.

00:36:37.660 --> 00:36:39.180
Speaker 2: Blair, thanks so much for everything.

00:36:39.180 --> 00:36:42.460
Speaker 2: I just wanna ask you this one last question.

00:36:42.460 --> 00:36:46.460
Speaker 2: If you could share with somebody who's, you know, just even day one,

00:36:46.565 --> 00:36:50.565
Speaker 2: they've just lost their dad, and they're just trying to kinda put themselves together,

00:36:50.565 --> 00:36:54.005
Speaker 2: what's something that you could you could tell them maybe to make them feel

00:36:54.005 --> 00:36:57.365
Speaker 2: to reassure them or help feel a sense of what's coming?

00:36:57.365 --> 00:37:01.365
Speaker 0: I think what I would recommend is you need to find your person.

00:37:01.960 --> 00:37:05.480
Speaker 0: You need to find the person that you can talk to because that is

00:37:05.480 --> 00:37:09.480
Speaker 0: gonna be crucial to you getting through this period in your life.

00:37:09.960 --> 00:37:13.960
Speaker 0: And you need that person to be really receptive to you just

00:37:14.175 --> 00:37:17.535
Speaker 0: venting, talking at them, and listening.

00:37:17.535 --> 00:37:21.535
Speaker 0: And I think if you can find that person that's going to allow

00:37:21.535 --> 00:37:25.535
Speaker 0: you to do that, that's gonna help you kinda

00:37:25.650 --> 00:37:29.650
Speaker 0: navigate this roller coaster of emotions and events

00:37:29.890 --> 00:37:31.410
Speaker 0: that are gonna be happening.

00:37:31.410 --> 00:37:33.730
Speaker 0: So that maybe would be the advice.

00:37:33.730 --> 00:37:35.010
Speaker 2: And good wine.

00:37:35.010 --> 00:37:35.810
Speaker 0: And good wine.

00:37:35.810 --> 00:37:38.850
Speaker 0: Always good wine and a good spreadsheet.

00:37:38.850 --> 00:37:40.705
Speaker 2: I I wanna first say thanks.

00:37:40.705 --> 00:37:44.065
Speaker 2: I wanna say thanks for you for taking us inside your life, talking to

00:37:44.065 --> 00:37:48.065
Speaker 2: us, getting to know everything about how your dad passed,

00:37:48.065 --> 00:37:49.425
Speaker 2: his life.

00:37:49.425 --> 00:37:52.065
Speaker 2: I've relearned the value of a good spreadsheet.

00:37:52.065 --> 00:37:54.785
Speaker 2: I feel like that has been an intrinsic lesson of this.

00:37:54.785 --> 00:37:55.530
Speaker 0: He'll be proud.

00:37:55.530 --> 00:37:56.730
Speaker 2: He'll be so proud of that.

00:37:56.730 --> 00:38:00.730
Speaker 2: And I have learned I've learned so much about the ability to to challenge

00:38:01.050 --> 00:38:01.370
Speaker 2: yourself.

00:38:01.370 --> 00:38:04.250
Speaker 2: And I have, oddly, your husband in this now with PowerPoints.

00:38:04.250 --> 00:38:07.690
Speaker 2: I feel like the next sponsor for this is either Microsoft Office or something

00:38:07.690 --> 00:38:08.650
Speaker 2: like that, because I feel like

00:38:08.650 --> 00:38:09.375
Speaker 1: Feels natural.

00:38:09.375 --> 00:38:11.014
Speaker 2: That's where it's coming from.

00:38:11.014 --> 00:38:12.325
Speaker 2: So Yeah.

00:38:12.325 --> 00:38:13.635
Speaker 2: Thank you so much,

00:38:13.635 --> 00:38:13.963
Speaker 0: Blair.

00:38:13.963 --> 00:38:14.618
Speaker 0: Thank you

00:38:14.618 --> 00:38:16.913
Speaker 1: so much for coming in and sharing.

00:38:16.913 --> 00:38:17.240
Speaker 1: Awesome.

00:38:17.240 --> 00:38:17.896
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:38:17.896 --> 00:38:18.551
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:38:18.551 --> 00:38:22.551
Speaker 1: It's a weird, sad, funny pie, but we're here to help you laugh.

00:38:22.811 --> 00:38:24.811
Speaker 1: It's the dead dad's podcast.