Maybe Fatherhood is a bit like riding a bus

I recently saw a couple of famous celebrities relating how, when they asked their dad what he aspired to be when he was a kid, the answer they gave was be ‘a Dad’.

At the time, the celebrity relates how dissappointed in their dad’s answer they were, like’being a dad’ was a cop out. Having children and being a present father is not something to ‘apire to’, it’s like riding a bus. The door opens, and you get go and sit down, trusting that the bus will get where it’s going without your assistance.

But that’s not really the case with being a dad, is it? Many Dad’s are not ideal passengers on the bus, unruly and more interested in disturbing their fellow passengers , some dads get off the bus after seeing the final destination, and a few even don’t get on at all.

Sitting in the position of being a dad myself, and with our podcast also getting to listen to men talk about who their dad was, and how that affected them, as kids growing up into adults, I think it’s important to celebrate those Dads for whom the role provides genuine pleasure.

When I think of my own Dad, I think of the following statements, all delivered without judgement:

• My Dad worked a lot. He ran a small business and wanted it to be successful. He wasn’t there to answer a lot of my questions growing up, but I learned that he cared about doing a good job. I wished he was around more when I was a kid, but I understand why he wasn’t.

• My Dad was both tolerant, and intolerant. Many a racist joke was shared quietly to me, and his attitudes on other races were probably safe enough in his social circle back then, but made him an outcast in our more modern society. But he was also open and accepting of many of my friends, a lot of whom came from different backgrounds. And if any of them ever needed anything, he helped without question.

• He cared about me. He came to my basketball practices (even though I didn’t ask him to) and brought orange slices and water. He organized new uniforms for us. He attended all my games. He watched basketball on TV so that he could try and offer advice. If the family went on holiday, we went together, as a family. Always.

If I look all of these now, I think it’s because, if he was able to be asked, ‘What did you want to be when you grew up’. I think my dad would say ‘Be a Father.’ He famously didn’t have one, as both his parents abondoned him to his grandmother when he was quite young.

So when the bus arrived, I’m choosing to believe he got on it willingly, and spent the ride doing the best he could to make it a great journey.

 Now that I’m sitting in that same seat, looking at my own kids, I finally get it. He gave me the route he never had. And if my kids ever ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d be proud to give them my dad's answer.