🎧 In this episode, you'll get:
- Language for the guilt that follows suicide loss, especially when the last conversation wasn't a good one
- Permission to stop chasing an answer you may never get
- A reason to ask for help before you think you “need” it
- A way to think about therapy when the first person isn't the right fit
- A frame for the three paths grief can put in front of you: fall apart, white-knuckle it, or use it
- Permission to cry, talk about your dad, and stop treating emotion like weakness
- Ideas for keeping your dad present through music, traditions, stories, and small rituals
- Proof that asking for help can make you stronger, not less of a man
Scott Panov never imagined his dad would die by suicide.
They hadn't spoken for six weeks after a family disagreement. After his dad died, Scott was left with guilt, anger, and questions he knew might never be answered.
That night, he asked for help.
This one's about suicide loss, therapy, letting go of blame, and realizing the dad you thought was superhuman was human too.
👨 Meet Scott Panov
Scott Panov is a son, father, hockey coach, artist, and advocate for men's mental health.
After Nikolai died by suicide in 2023, Scott sought trauma therapy and grief counselling almost immediately.
The experience changed how he thought about strength.
Instead of trying to become more like the stoic father he'd always admired, Scott started doing something different. Talking. Asking for help. Sharing how he felt. Supporting friends who were struggling. Becoming, in his words, a bit of a lighthouse for other men.
He's not a therapist or a grief expert.
He's a guy who lost his dad, went looking for help, and decided not to carry the whole thing alone.
⏱️ Episode chapters
00:00 — “I never would've seen it coming”
01:00 — Welcome Scott Panov
02:00 — Why Scott reached out to Dead Dads
02:50 — Meet Nikolai: the dad who never stopped
04:30 — Measuring yourself against your father
05:30 — Working beside Dad every day
07:00 — The Disney trip and Splash Mountain
08:30 — The serious dad with a very weird sense of humour
10:15 — The generation that wasn't taught to talk about feelings
10:55 — August 24, 2023
11:40 — The phone call from Mom
12:30 — “I knew something was wrong”
12:50 — The signs nobody understood until afterward
14:35 — We hadn't spoken for six weeks
16:00 — Telling his kids their Grampy was gone
17:45 — Realizing his superhuman dad was human
18:30 — The backpack full of rocks
18:55 — Searching for a reason that isn't there
19:20 — Asking for help that same night
20:30 — What actually happens when you call for help
22:00 — Starting trauma therapy
23:15 — The three paths after trauma
24:15 — Choosing to become a better version of himself
24:45 — Making emotion a superpower
25:30 — Not every therapist is the right therapist
27:20 — How to find the right kind of help
29:00 — Becoming kinder to himself
30:00 — Becoming an advocate for men's mental health
31:00 — A Halloween celebration of life
31:50 — Buying his dead dad records every birthday
32:45 — Feeling guilty about feeling joy
34:30 — Where Scott is in his grief now
35:00 — The songs that still wreck him
36:00 — Saying “I miss my dad” until the tears came
37:00 — Scott's advice for men who have lost their dads
Meet another guy in the club → Jordan on the DNR magnet on the fridge:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE
🖤 About Dead Dads
Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.
Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies.
No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.
Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.
You're not alone.
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts or is in immediate danger, reach out for help. In Canada and the United States, call or text 988. Elsewhere, contact emergency services or a crisis service in your area.
☕ If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast
Follow Dead Dads:
Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/
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New episodes every week.
Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/