🎧 In this episode, you'll get:
- Language for the slow disappearance — when “forgetting things” doesn’t cover what you’re watching
- Permission to skip the genetic test (and stop feeling weak for not wanting the answer)
- A real map of the facility decision — so you’re not inventing it alone the week it hits
- A way to say goodbye while he’s still here, without needing the perfect speech
- A frame for why it keeps hurting in waves: “there’s 100 deaths”
- A tool when talking fails — writing it down so it doesn’t sit on your chest
- Proof your grief doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s to count

This episode is for any guy whose dad disappeared in slow motion. If you've watched someone you love forget who they are — or you're the son who made the facility call — start here.

Blake Collier's dad Rodney had early-onset Alzheimer's for 14 years. He was a rancher, a property manager, a voracious reader, and a devoted Christian. He was also a man who used to punch holes in walls — but later became a teddy bear.

One day Blake parked his truck and watched his dad work in circles for 45 minutes. He sat through the mumbled Thursday prayers. He walked into a daycare where his dad didn't know who he was. And after the diagnosis, Rodney told him he'd fight it.

This one's about the long goodbye. The genetic fear you won't get tested for. The day you say your piece knowing he might not hold it. And the line Blake wrote for the eulogy that still hits: there's 100 deaths.

👨 Meet Blake Collier
Blake Collier is a writer and a son from the Texas Panhandle — the kind of place where emotions don't help with survival, until they have to. His dad Rodney was a renaissance ranch guy: property manager, voracious reader, devoted Christian, and for a long stretch, a man with a temper that put holes in walls. Then came early-onset Alzheimer's. Fourteen years of decline. Blake watched the whole arc — the anger softening into a teddy bear, the work loops, the prayers that stopped making sense, the day the daycare made the decision unavoidable. He processed a lot of it the only way that worked: writing it down. He's not a therapist, or a grief expert. Blake's just a guy who rode along for the long version of losing his dad.

⏱️ Episode chapters
0:00 — Dad didn't know who I was
1:50 — Welcome Blake Collier
3:00 — Texas Panhandle. Emotions don't help with survival
4:20 — Rodney: ranch, property, renaissance man
5:40 — The anger that punched holes in walls
9:00 — College advice and the history switch
10:00 — Mom saw it first
10:40 — I parked the truck and watched him for 45 minutes
12:15 — "I will do my best to fight it"
12:50 — I lost it on the drive home
15:00 — The mumbled Thursday prayers
17:30 — When hope started dwindling
18:00 — The day of the facility
21:30 — The visit where I said my piece
25:00 — "There's 100 deaths"
27:00 — The genetic fear I won't get tested for
28:40 — "Ride along with me"
29:30 — Writing it down instead of saying it out loud
31:00 — Grief looks different for everybody

Meet another guy in the club → Jordan on the DNR magnet on the fridge: https://youtu.be/yutMlctDGYE

🖤 About Dead Dads
Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.

You're not alone.

☕ If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

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New episodes every week.

Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/