Jordan's dad rode 60km on an e-bike with a chemo bottle taped to the frame. Stage four, in his liver. Then one day the bike stayed in the garage.

Jordan didn't fall apart. He felt… neutral — and then felt guilty about feeling neutral. This episode is about the 30% that quietly gets shaved off the top of you when a parent dies, and why "less of you to go around" is its own kind of grief nobody warns you about.

This episode is for any guy who lost his dad and is confused that he's not more of a wreck. You're not broken. You're deflated. There's a difference.

*🎧 In this episode, you'll learn:*
• Why feeling "neutral" after your dad dies doesn't mean something's wrong with you
• The "deflated balloon" model of grief — why you're running at 70% and nobody can see it
• How to handle the guilt of NOT falling apart
• What happens when you suddenly become the patriarch overnight
• Why anger shows up even when your dad did everything right
• How to care for a dying parent at home — the hospital bed, the DNR, the hard logistics
• How to turn grief into something: honouring your dad's legacy without forcing it
• The one thing you should do before it's too late: have the conversations now

*👨‍👦 Meet Jordan and his dad PJ*
PJ worked the mill, retired early, and spent his "don't-give-a-damn" years exactly how he wanted — Hawaiian shirts, a workshop full of projects, and long e-bike rides through the hills. When stage four cancer showed up in his liver, he didn't stop pedalling. He rode 60km with a chemo bottle taped to the frame. Jordan grew up watching a man who did things his own way — which is part of why grieving him has felt so strange, and so quiet.

*⏱️ Episode chapters*
0:00 – "Neutral." And the guilt that comes with it
1:50 – Why I finally wanted to talk about it
4:50 – Who PJ was: the mill, early retirement, the bikes
7:50 – 60km rides with a chemo bottle attached
9:50 – The "don't-give-a-damn" years
12:50 – The slightly deflated balloon: 70% of Jordan
16:50 – The hospital bed in the living room
22:00 – The magnet on the fridge
22:50 – Suddenly you're the patriarch
25:50 – He did everything right. Anger shows up anyway
26:50 – The Hawaiian shirts (and what his aunt made from them)
29:00 – "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
32:00 – 120km in his memory: the Cath-Et Fondo
34:50 – Have the conversations while you still can

*Meet another guy in the club* → Matty Woods on his dad's funeral, which had only two rules: https://youtu.be/Ocm8NTnDLX4

*🖤 About Dead Dads*
Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad. Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc. Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.

You’re not alone.

*☕ If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee:* https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast

*Follow Dead Dads:*
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*And listen to us here, or wherever you enjoy podcasts:*
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4WWlXBPzgj151SFYRUZeSB?si=fe005fdf079249b8
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dead-dads-podcast-grief-support-for-men/id1867632438

*New episodes every week.*

Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions, the branded podcast agency that helps organizations build shows people actually want to spend time with. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/