Jimmy grew up believing his father didn’t want him.
Years later, he discovered a very different man.
Anthony was an old-school Sicilian dad from the Bronx. Tough. Proud. Sometimes impossible. The kind of father who drove his son across New York every day for school but refused to bail him out when he landed in prison.
Then his dad got sick.
After a series of strokes, Jimmy found himself helping his father use the bathroom in a hospital. The toughest man he’d ever known suddenly looked defeated.
Jimmy asked him to show a different kind of toughness.
🎧 In this episode, you’ll:
* Learn a different way to think about toughness when the strongest man you know becomes vulnerable
* Hear a story about growing up believing your dad didn’t want you
* See a look at tough love, prison, abandonment, and forgiveness
* Get language for the guilt that follows losing your father
* Hear an honest account of using alcohol and drugs to numb grief
* Understand what grief counselling and journaling can actually do
* Learn ways to keep your dad close through music and memories
On May 4, 2024, Anthony died.
What followed wasn’t a neat story about healing.
Family conflict. A funeral where Jimmy couldn’t grieve. A year of drinking and drugs to numb the pain. And the realization that being the tough guy wasn’t going to get him through this one.
This episode is about complicated fathers, addiction, grief counselling, masculinity, and losing the person who taught you how to be strong.
It’s also about Billy Joel, The Sopranos, a terrible Mercedes, and the strange things that bring our dads back for a minute.
👨 Meet Jimmy
Jimmy grew up in New York, caught between divorced parents. At 12, he fought to live with his father, Anthony. He later sold cocaine, went to prison, and spent weeks sleeping in a beat-up Mercedes after his release. He eventually built a career in banking, carrying his father’s lessons about hard work and leadership. After Anthony died, Jimmy struggled with alcohol, drugs, and grief before seeking counselling.
He’s not a grief expert. He’s a guy who learned the hard way that grief doesn’t care how tough you are.
As Jimmy puts it: “That tough guy shit don’t work.”
⏱️ Episode chapters
00:00 - A different kind of toughness
03:20 - Growing up believing Dad didn't want him
07:20 - Cocaine, college, and getting arrested
09:45 - Prison and a father who refused to help
12:00 - Understanding his dad's tough love
16:00 - When the strongest man started getting sick
17:00 - Seeing his father vulnerable
18:15 - The phone call: Dad was gone
21:40 - Guilt, regret, and missed warning signs
25:00 - Family conflict after Dad died
27:00 - Drinking and drugs to numb the pain
29:30 - Realizing he needed help
30:00 - How grief counselling helped
33:00 - Keeping Dad alive through music and memories
Meet another guy in the club → Scott Panov on suicide loss, guilt, and asking for help:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yutMlctDGYE
🖤 About Dead Dads
Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.
Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, we talk about grief, father loss, masculinity, family, memory, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies. No grief brochure voice. Just real conversations for guys grieving, remembering, laughing, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.
You’re not alone.
This episode discusses addiction and substance use.
☕ Buy us a coffee:
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Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/
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Produced with support from JAR Podcast Solutions:
https://jarpodcasts.com/
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