🎧 In this episode, you'll get:
- Language for grief for a dad you loved, resented, and barely knew
- Permission to grieve the relationship you wanted, not just the one you had
- A look at how anger, the search for parental approval, addiction, and numbness can shape grief
- A reason to question how much of your ambition is really a search for parental approval
- A reminder that becoming a dad can change how you see your own father
Ali spent most of his life wanting his dad to say four words:
"I'm proud of you."
He never did.
When his father was dying, Ali held his hand, said goodbye, and left the hospital.
Then he avoided his dad's grave for 15 years.
It took a silent meditation retreat, a poem about someone else's father, and ten minutes crying alone in the forest for Ali to realize what was underneath all that anger.
He wasn't only grieving his dad.
He was grieving the dad he wanted.
This one's about complicated fathers, addiction, resentment, achievement, forgiveness, and what happens when buried grief finally catches up with you.
👨 Meet Ali B
Ali grew up in Iran before coming to Canada.
His father had a difficult life of his own. Abandoned by his father at 11, he became responsible for helping support his family while still a child.
As a teenager, Ali reconnected with his dad while working with him and his brother in Nevada. Addiction made the relationship even harder.
Ali eventually returned to Canada, threw himself into school, and built a successful career in dentistry and surgery.
But the stuff with his dad stayed put.
Years after his father's death, Ali finally began dealing with what he'd spent much of his life avoiding.
⏱️ Episode chapters
00:00 My dad never said he was proud of me
01:27 Why Ali wanted to tell this story
02:14 Growing up with an absent father
04:45 Escaping Iran and coming to Canada
06:45 Reconnecting with his dad
07:45 Addiction changes everything
09:45 Years of resentment
11:55 Watching his father die
13:35 Why Ali felt numb
14:20 Avoiding his dad's grave for 15 years
15:15 The meditation retreat that broke something open
16:40 Finally grieving his father
17:05 Chasing his father's approval
18:10 Why men avoid grief
19:30 He couldn't find his father's grave
20:20 Discovering his dad had no gravestone
21:05 Letting go of the anger
22:00 Why talking about his dad was terrifying
23:20 Becoming a dad changed his perspective
24:15 The person anger was actually hurting
26:10 Can success fill the hole left by grief?
28:10 Grieving the father you never had
29:00 "I never asked if he was proud of me"
30:00 Finding compassion for a difficult father
31:20 How grief changed Ali as a husband and dad
33:35 Final thoughts
Meet another guy in the club → Scott Panov on losing his dad to suicide after six weeks of silence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3hVC_uBYRc
🖤 About Dead Dads
Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.
Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies.
No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.
Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.
You're not alone.
☕ If Dead Dads has helped you feel a little less alone, consider buying us a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/deaddadspodcast
Follow Dead Dads:
Website: https://www.deaddadspodcast.com/
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New episodes every week.
Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions. Learn more at https://jarpodcasts.com/