Why Dark Humor Helps When You're Grieving | Dead Dads Podcast | Grief Support for Men

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Scott: Hi.

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Scott: I'm Scott.

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Scott: And I'm Roger.

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Scott: And we're two guys who realize that the only thing harder than finding a

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Scott: place to talk about your dead dad is a place where you're allowed to

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Scott: laugh about it.

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Scott: This is Dead Dads.

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Intro Song: Funny pie, but we're here to help you laugh.

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Intro Song: It's the Dead Dads podcast.

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Intro Song: Hey, I'm Roger.

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Scott: And I'm Scott.

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Speaker 1: And our dads are dead.

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New Speaker: Still?

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New Speaker: Still dead.

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Scott: Why are we here?

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Scott: What are we doing here?

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Speaker 1: Well, we're here because there's really not a lot of great places for men

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Speaker 1: to talk about grief and to talk about their experience when their father

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Speaker 1: dies.

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Speaker 1: And you and I were chatting one day, and we thought to ourselves, we

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Speaker 1: should start a podcast because you and I love to talk.

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Speaker 1: We love to learn.

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Speaker 1: We love to chat with other guys.

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Speaker 1: We love to learn.

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Speaker 1: Said learn twice.

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Scott: One thing we need to learn is how many times does they learn.

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Scott: But I think the hard part to explain to people who and I talk

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Scott: about this is, like, why are you guys doing this?

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Scott: Like, yes, this is a problem, but why?

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: And I don't know that we know, but I think we want it we're

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Scott: we have enjoyed the process.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: We're

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Scott: ready to try and see if this makes their grief a little bit easier.

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Speaker 1: Because one thing we've learned is that grief is different for absolutely everybody.

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Speaker 1: And, for me, it helps to talk about it, whether it's with a counselor

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Speaker 1: or whether it's with a buddy or whether it's with a perfect stranger who's

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Speaker 1: also lost their dad.

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Speaker 1: I find myself, you know, really learning a lot from other guys and their

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Speaker 1: experiences.

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Speaker 1: And, hopefully, through the men that we talk to on this show, you know,

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Speaker 1: those that are watching and listening can learn from them.

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Scott: So maybe that's you.

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Scott: Maybe your dad's dad recently.

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Scott: Maybe he died a long time ago.

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Scott: If you're interested in learning a little bit more about how guys are getting

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Scott: through this and even having a couple of laughs, we hope you join us.

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Speaker 1: Now it's really important to mention that we are not doctors.

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Speaker 1: We're not therapists.

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Speaker 1: We're not counselors.

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Speaker 1: We're not even in the medical industry.

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Speaker 1: In fact, I thought ICU was a university,

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Speaker 1: which turns out it's not.

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Scott: I thought catheter was a type of church.

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Speaker 1: Oh, definitely not.

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Speaker 1: It's definitely not.

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Speaker 1: So I think

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Scott: given that disclaimer, if you're still interested, we'd love you to come along and

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Scott: take a listen.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Dead Dads.

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Scott: Roger?

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Speaker 1: Scott.

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Scott: Before we get involved in this whole podcast business, I wanna give everybody

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Scott: a chance to get to know you a little bit better.

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Speaker 1: Mhmm.

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Scott: So I got a couple of questions that I'm gonna ask you.

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Scott: They're not hard.

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Scott: There's no math.

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Scott: Super easy.

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Scott: K.

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Scott: But I just want you to do your best.

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Speaker 1: I I think I can do it.

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Scott: Okay.

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Scott: What's your comfort rewatch?

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Scott: So you had a rough week, rough day, whatever.

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Scott: You come home.

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Scott: You're on the couch.

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Scott: What's the thing that you put on that's just sort of soothing, I guess,

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Scott: helps you with your helps you process the day?

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Speaker 1: That's an easy one.

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Speaker 1: It's, it's I watch Veep.

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Speaker 1: If you ever ever watch Veep, you know, Julia Louis Dreyfus, Tony

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Speaker 1: Hale, plus many more.

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Speaker 1: Julie Louie Dreyfus is the vice president of the United States.

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Speaker 1: It's my absolute favorite show of all time.

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Speaker 1: The writing is unbelievable.

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Speaker 1: It is so funny.

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Speaker 1: It's it's crude.

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Speaker 1: It's like that perfect sort of satire black humor.

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Speaker 1: It gets me laughing every single time.

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Speaker 1: Favorite Jonah insult?

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Speaker 1: That's like, using a croissant as a dildo.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't work, and it makes a fucking mess.

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Speaker 1: What's the first ever, probably, cassette you ever bought?

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: Good question.

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Scott: The first?

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Scott: So the first cassette that I ever bought and, actually, coincidentally,

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Scott: I bought it on CD when CDs came out.

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Scott: I feel like we're talking about ye olden days all of a sudden.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: Was C and C Music Factory.

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Scott: Nice.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Nice.

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Speaker 1: And what was the what was the big hit then?

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Scott: It's gonna make you sweat.

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Scott: Gonna make you sweat.

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Scott: I can't do the dance.

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Scott: I maybe can throw in the vocal later on if you're happy, but C

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Scott: and C Music Factory, I own on cassette and on CD because I was

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Scott: a fan.

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Scott: Right.

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Scott: And when you're a fan, you gotta do that.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 1: So, Scott, you, you lost your dad, my understanding

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Speaker 1: is about three or four years ago?

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: Twenty twenty one, my father passed away.

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Scott: He had cancer, but, he had MAID, which

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Scott: is medical assistance in dying.

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Speaker 1: And medical assistance in dying, like, explain that a little bit more.

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Speaker 1: Like, what is it what exactly is involved when that happened?

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Scott: The understanding of MAID and the reason that he chose that is it's a

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Scott: decision that the patient gets to make.

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Scott: Right.

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Scott: And it's a reason ultimately, if if you are in a state where you

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Scott: are too far gone and the medical community supports this, then you are allowed

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Scott: to choose,

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Scott: to have this assistance in dying.

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Scott: So you basically get to choose how you go, which was for my dad,

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Scott: which was huge.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Because he he had cancer for, quite a long time?

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Scott: No.

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Scott: He had cancer for, again, a relatively short amount of time.

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Scott: So it was COVID.

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Scott: And so it just got COVID, which was, late twenty twenty,

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Scott: he was diagnosed.

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Scott: And there was a period

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Scott: it wasn't that serious, I guess, and then it was immediately serious.

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Scott: And so it changed really quickly.

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Scott: And so between, I would say, November, December of twenty twenty, when we thought

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Scott: it was a possible recovery, and, January, February

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Scott: when there was no chance of recovery, and March when he chose MAID.

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Scott: And he chose that because he was really afraid, really afraid

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Scott: of becoming what he would say as a vegetable.

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Scott: He was really afraid of, losing the ability to, like, you know, that

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Scott: classic, like, in bed and all you can do is blink.

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Scott: And he would say often when I was a kid, push me in front

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Scott: of a train if that ever happens to me or off a cliff, which

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Speaker 1: As a kid, that's that's not

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Scott: It's not on your list of things.

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Speaker 1: Not on your list of things you expect your dad to say to you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That's that's that sucks.

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Speaker 1: But you were telling me that he also he had a bit of a

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Speaker 1: slip and and fell and and hit his head.

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Scott: He did.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: What what how did that happen?

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Speaker 1: What was involved there?

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Scott: It was a few years before this, and so it was a bit of

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Scott: a bumpy road definitely for his last, arguably, few years of his

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Scott: life.

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Scott: And so he was, as I think a lot of dads do, he was

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Scott: determined to keep fit.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: There's this period where

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Speaker 1: Keep fit.

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Speaker 1: Have fun.

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Scott: Keep fit, becomes their mantra, and every dad seems to pick, like, well, I'm

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Scott: eating almonds.

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Scott: You know?

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Scott: Or he would often say, I get a lot of fruit, and it would

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Scott: be in the summertime for, like, a week or so.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: And so he was trying to keep fit, and he was going to the

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Scott: swimming pool.

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Speaker 1: My dad went through a pomegranate phase.

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Speaker 1: Oh, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: That'll do it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Scott: So he was going to the swimming pool.

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Scott: And, one day when he was at the pool, there was, a particular

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Scott: piece of ground that was, I guess, slippery for some reason.

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Scott: And he slipped, and he fell, and he hit his head.

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Scott: And he developed a concussion, which taught us a lot about concussions

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Scott: because there are, again, there are a lot more in the news, I think,

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Scott: every year, but they taught us that one of the side effects is, you

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Scott: know, it can, like, drastically change a person's personality, and he became

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Scott: kind of a different guy.

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Scott: And that for him was a slope that ended with him choosing

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Scott: to try to commit suicide.

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Scott: And then he was unsuccessful, and he came out of it, and we

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Scott: thought there was a different path for him.

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Scott: But I think, really, you know, for the last three years before that, like,

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Scott: it was we were we weren't sure if he really was happy that he

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Scott: was unsuccessful.

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Scott: Anyway, what happened was he recovered.

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Scott: He came out.

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Scott: He was not better, but he was alive and and functioning.

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Scott: And, and then I think this whole cancer thing arguably,

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Scott: and it'll, you know, be discussion point forever, is when I when he was

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Scott: diagnosed with cancer, I think he might have thought maybe this is the way

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Scott: it was supposed to go.

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Speaker 1: What do you think his suicide attempt

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Speaker 1: taught you about your dad and his sort of frame of mind going

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Speaker 1: into, you know, having cancer and and it getting it getting sort of

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Speaker 1: progressively worse?

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Scott: I mean, his suicide attempt taught me what it made me think about,

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Scott: because where he did it was he chose to go to this really remote

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Scott: area.

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Scott: He lives in Alberta, in this remote area, and he went down to the

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Scott: river, and, he tried to slit his wrists.

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Scott: I guess his suicide attempt taught me that

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Scott: I had not I didn't see that coming.

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Scott: I mean, he he had no sort of warning signs, which sounds

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Scott: so, ridiculous, but he wasn't like he had multiple

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Scott: attempts or made any sort of, you know, jokes about it.

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Scott: It just happened one day.

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Scott: And so it taught me that I learned to be a bit scared because

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Scott: things are uncertain.

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Scott: And that is a thing that I have to, I think, address every day

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Scott: is that fear.

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Speaker 1: Mhmm.

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Speaker 1: Do you think that fear is now carried over into your adult life?

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Scott: The whole end of his life, the whole process between his suicide

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Scott: and how he died, not the maid, but, like, how he felt when he

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Scott: died,

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Scott: has has given me,

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Scott: I do think, fear, but also an incentive.

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Scott: Like, I don't think he felt great about his life when he died.

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Scott: Because I Can

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Speaker 1: you expand on that?

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Speaker 1: Like, what did what did he not feel great about?

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Scott: He didn't seem I guess, in your in your head, you want to see

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Scott: this person who's sort of smiling and beautifically looking out and saying, I'm so,

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Scott: you know, grateful, and here's the things that I'm grateful for, and here's what

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Scott: I learned, and that sort of thing.

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Scott: He was he was visibly scared of the end.

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Scott: He was he was upset, like, he wasn't gonna be around to help anymore,

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Scott: and he felt like his job as a dad was un unfulfilled.

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Speaker 1: And so San well, Sani was really angry when he died?

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Scott: I think he was he was angry and disappointed.

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Scott: Right.

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Scott: Yeah.

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Scott: And it really bothered me that he I I

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Scott: don't mean this blamidly, I guess.

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Speaker 1: But Blamidly is not a word.

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Scott: No.

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Scott: I don't think I mean that vociphanopisly.

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Scott: I don't think I mean this as a condemnation maybe.

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Scott: Is,

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Scott: he he let that happen too, but I think it bothered

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Scott: me that he let it happen to himself, and he didn't actively try to

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Scott: make his life better.

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Scott: And And that was what pushed me.

00:09:53.905 --> 00:09:54.945
Scott: I thought, okay.

00:09:54.945 --> 00:09:56.145
Scott: I have to make my life better.

00:09:56.145 --> 00:09:59.425
Scott: I have to challenge myself to not be in that position.

00:09:59.425 --> 00:10:00.465
Scott: What can I do now?

00:10:00.465 --> 00:10:01.425
Scott: What steps can I take?

00:10:01.425 --> 00:10:05.425
Scott: And that's really, I think, a big part of how his death

00:10:06.810 --> 00:10:08.010
Scott: was a catalyst.

00:10:08.010 --> 00:10:08.410
Scott: Where do you

00:10:08.410 --> 00:10:10.890
Speaker 1: think you're at now with that, though?

00:10:10.890 --> 00:10:12.810
Speaker 1: I'm on a thirty

00:10:12.810 --> 00:10:15.770
Scott: on a scale of one to seventy.

00:10:15.770 --> 00:10:18.730
Scott: I think it's a I joke because I think it is kind of an

00:10:18.730 --> 00:10:21.125
Scott: interesting but maybe

00:10:21.125 --> 00:10:23.285
Scott: challenging thing to say, where are you at?

00:10:23.285 --> 00:10:27.285
Scott: But in true spirit of the question, I

00:10:27.605 --> 00:10:31.605
Scott: have gone to therapy for almost the entirety of the time since he passed.

00:10:31.605 --> 00:10:31.845
Scott: So you

00:10:31.845 --> 00:10:33.765
Speaker 1: went into therapy pretty much right away?

00:10:33.765 --> 00:10:37.765
Scott: I should have went in sooner, but I went in, about

00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:42.000
Scott: five months after he passed, after a realization that I

00:10:42.000 --> 00:10:45.120
Scott: was angry and I was unhappy and there was a lot of things that

00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:46.240
Scott: were not working out.

00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:49.360
Scott: But I think to go back to the spirit of your question is where

00:10:49.360 --> 00:10:51.345
Scott: I am now

00:10:51.345 --> 00:10:55.345
Scott: is I feel like I have a set of tools that I can that

00:10:55.345 --> 00:10:59.105
Scott: I can use in those moments because grief is still there and still occurs,

00:10:59.105 --> 00:11:01.025
Scott: but I feel like I have a set of tools.

00:11:01.025 --> 00:11:03.425
Scott: Like, okay, sometimes things hit you sideways.

00:11:03.425 --> 00:11:07.280
Scott: We talked a little bit about these, like, sudden moments, like a song or,

00:11:07.280 --> 00:11:10.640
Scott: you know, like, I know for you, like, the Blue Jays are playing or

00:11:10.640 --> 00:11:11.600
Scott: things like this.

00:11:11.600 --> 00:11:13.440
Scott: And, well, I'm sure we'll talk about it.

00:11:13.440 --> 00:11:16.320
Scott: But I think I have feel like I have this set of tools that

00:11:16.320 --> 00:11:19.965
Scott: I can that I can kind of bring up, and it can help me

00:11:19.965 --> 00:11:21.405
Scott: get through it, and that gives me confidence.

00:11:21.405 --> 00:11:24.045
Scott: And that's where I feel as I feel a bit more confident about my

00:11:24.045 --> 00:11:24.605
Scott: grief.

00:11:24.605 --> 00:11:28.605
Scott: When I start to think about the the pressure of trying

00:11:28.605 --> 00:11:32.580
Scott: to make that problem that he had not happen,

00:11:32.580 --> 00:11:33.860
Scott: I do think about my family.

00:11:33.860 --> 00:11:37.220
Scott: I think about the position that I occupy in my family about being a

00:11:37.220 --> 00:11:41.220
Scott: dad and the effort that I put into being a dad, and I

00:11:41.860 --> 00:11:43.300
Scott: I care about being a dad.

00:11:43.300 --> 00:11:47.300
Scott: And I think that makes me feel a sense of satisfaction and happiness

00:11:47.300 --> 00:11:51.300
Scott: that every time there's an opportunity to, you know, double down and

00:11:51.375 --> 00:11:55.375
Scott: try to be more involved, which is tough, you know, we're all young

00:11:55.375 --> 00:11:57.295
Scott: modern professionals,

00:11:57.295 --> 00:12:01.295
Scott: trying our best, but I I take those opportunities and

00:12:01.470 --> 00:12:03.630
Scott: then I try to think each of those times are times that I did

00:12:03.630 --> 00:12:07.470
Scott: that because I didn't want to feel like I had ever let an opportunity

00:12:07.470 --> 00:12:11.470
Scott: go to to keep working towards that goal of feeling satisfied on

00:12:11.550 --> 00:12:12.915
Scott: the day that I die.

00:12:12.915 --> 00:12:16.435
Scott: Overall, there's a scenario where I feel like I have a set of tools.

00:12:16.435 --> 00:12:20.115
Scott: I've moved on into a place where for me grief is not every day.

00:12:20.115 --> 00:12:24.115
Scott: It's it's sudden or sideways, and especially when you're recording grief

00:12:24.275 --> 00:12:28.275
Scott: podcasts and laughing about it, but it's it's not something that takes me

00:12:28.730 --> 00:12:29.770
Scott: takes me every day.

00:12:29.770 --> 00:12:33.290
Scott: But I wanna ask a little bit about your dad.

00:12:33.290 --> 00:12:37.290
Speaker 1: He, he he passed away almost a year ago

00:12:37.370 --> 00:12:38.650
Speaker 1: today.

00:12:38.650 --> 00:12:42.650
Speaker 1: In fact, it was December twenty third, twenty twenty four.

00:12:42.845 --> 00:12:46.845
Speaker 1: So, he had been sick with cancer for, for almost

00:12:47.165 --> 00:12:48.045
Speaker 1: five years.

00:12:48.045 --> 00:12:52.045
Speaker 1: In fact, when he first got diagnosed, he was given it was anywhere

00:12:52.365 --> 00:12:56.365
Speaker 1: between, like, six months to a year, but he kept extending it.

00:12:57.130 --> 00:13:00.410
Speaker 1: He's incredibly healthy, you know, all things considered.

00:13:00.410 --> 00:13:03.290
Speaker 1: We used to joke that he would eat like a supermodel.

00:13:03.290 --> 00:13:06.170
Speaker 1: He was very active, played golf at least three or four days a week.

00:13:06.170 --> 00:13:07.210
Speaker 1: Supermodel's like Yeah.

00:13:07.210 --> 00:13:08.325
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:13:08.325 --> 00:13:11.045
Speaker 1: And lots of cocaine.

00:13:11.045 --> 00:13:14.645
Speaker 1: He, you know, he had climbed Mount Kilimanjaro, like, you know, only a few

00:13:14.645 --> 00:13:15.285
Speaker 1: years ago.

00:13:15.285 --> 00:13:16.645
Speaker 1: Mhmm.

00:13:16.645 --> 00:13:20.645
Speaker 1: And so when he when he first got sick and he started to recover,

00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:22.880
Speaker 1: we got really, like, really positive about it.

00:13:22.880 --> 00:13:24.960
Speaker 1: And and you kinda get into this rhythm of, like

00:13:24.960 --> 00:13:26.240
Scott: because he's a mountain climber.

00:13:26.240 --> 00:13:28.880
Scott: I mean, the challenge is that he's already achieved.

00:13:28.880 --> 00:13:29.200
Scott: Right?

00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:33.120
Speaker 1: You go through these sort of, like, hills and valleys of of, of treatment

00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:35.065
Speaker 1: where, like, he's very low.

00:13:35.065 --> 00:13:36.825
Speaker 1: His cancer count is really high.

00:13:36.825 --> 00:13:39.065
Speaker 1: Like, this is looking bad, and then all of a sudden, he would just

00:13:39.065 --> 00:13:40.345
Speaker 1: get better.

00:13:40.345 --> 00:13:42.025
Speaker 1: And then you would start to feel great.

00:13:42.025 --> 00:13:43.785
Speaker 1: And then he would dip it he would dip again.

00:13:43.785 --> 00:13:46.745
Speaker 1: So we went through these, like, periods, and I feel like we probably had

00:13:46.745 --> 00:13:50.560
Speaker 1: four or five, six of those sort of ups and downs.

00:13:50.560 --> 00:13:53.440
Speaker 1: But then he went on a he went on a trip with my mom,

00:13:53.440 --> 00:13:53.920
Speaker 1: to Europe.

00:13:53.920 --> 00:13:57.360
Speaker 1: They went on, like, a river boat cruise, and he started to complain of,

00:13:57.360 --> 00:14:00.960
Speaker 1: like, almost like a flu, like, symptoms while he was on the boat.

00:14:00.960 --> 00:14:04.240
Speaker 1: And his cancer was in his liver and in his esophagus.

00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:05.645
Speaker 1: So he started feeling kind of flu ish.

00:14:05.645 --> 00:14:08.365
Speaker 1: I remember talking to him on FaceTime, and he just he just looked a

00:14:08.365 --> 00:14:12.365
Speaker 1: bit sort of down, like nothing really too severe.

00:14:13.165 --> 00:14:17.165
Speaker 1: They came home from this trip and had jet lag like anybody else would,

00:14:17.725 --> 00:14:21.725
Speaker 1: except it felt like his jet lag never went away, and and

00:14:21.740 --> 00:14:22.620
Speaker 1: my mom's did.

00:14:22.620 --> 00:14:25.980
Scott: What was your mental state when you realized that it's not going away?

00:14:25.980 --> 00:14:29.820
Scott: Did you think this is this is something, or did you think, oh, it's

00:14:29.820 --> 00:14:30.940
Scott: you know, we're on the right track?

00:14:30.940 --> 00:14:31.140
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:14:31.100 --> 00:14:34.315
Speaker 1: It was you know, we religiously would go over to my parents' house every

00:14:34.315 --> 00:14:37.915
Speaker 1: Sunday for for dinner usually, and we bring, you know, our son Cooper, and

00:14:37.915 --> 00:14:39.755
Speaker 1: and, you know, he was at the time six.

00:14:39.755 --> 00:14:43.035
Speaker 1: And he him and my dad were, like, best buddies.

00:14:43.035 --> 00:14:47.020
Speaker 1: And you could just tell that he was putting on a brave face, but

00:14:47.020 --> 00:14:50.140
Speaker 1: his energies just was not there for for Cooper.

00:14:50.140 --> 00:14:54.140
Speaker 1: And, it would it became more than just,

00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:55.180
Speaker 1: you know, tiredness.

00:14:55.180 --> 00:14:58.780
Speaker 1: It was also, you know, dizzy, and and he would have a very difficult

00:14:58.780 --> 00:15:01.435
Speaker 1: time in the middle of the night sleeping.

00:15:01.435 --> 00:15:05.035
Speaker 1: You could just tell that his body was slowly shutting down.

00:15:05.035 --> 00:15:08.875
Scott: Were you moving into despair, or were you kind of, like, I gotta make

00:15:08.875 --> 00:15:10.635
Scott: a brave face?

00:15:10.635 --> 00:15:14.635
Speaker 1: I think it was a blend of brave face and sort of

00:15:14.660 --> 00:15:16.660
Speaker 1: going into, like, action mode.

00:15:16.660 --> 00:15:17.140
Speaker 1: Like, okay.

00:15:17.140 --> 00:15:21.140
Speaker 1: This I think this is starting to happen, and, oh, I guess we're doing

00:15:21.140 --> 00:15:21.460
Speaker 1: this.

00:15:21.460 --> 00:15:24.900
Speaker 1: Like, I guess, you know, I guess this is, you know, this is something

00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:28.580
Speaker 1: that we thought might come one day, and here it is.

00:15:28.580 --> 00:15:32.580
Speaker 1: In fact, there was only about ten days in between him starting to feel

00:15:32.595 --> 00:15:35.635
Speaker 1: low and then him ultimately choosing mate as well.

00:15:35.635 --> 00:15:39.635
Speaker 1: But I remember there was one day where him sleeping was difficult and him

00:15:39.635 --> 00:15:42.195
Speaker 1: getting out of bed was difficult and him going to the bathroom was difficult.

00:15:42.195 --> 00:15:44.600
Speaker 1: My mom just couldn't take care of him anymore.

00:15:44.600 --> 00:15:47.560
Speaker 1: Like, literally, physically couldn't lift him.

00:15:47.560 --> 00:15:50.200
Scott: Which is a thing that also gets talked about a lot, which is the

00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:51.400
Scott: burden on the other Yeah.

00:15:51.400 --> 00:15:54.120
Speaker 1: And I I even went over one day to watch the hockey game with

00:15:54.120 --> 00:15:56.120
Speaker 1: him just to sort of be with him.

00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:00.015
Speaker 1: And I had to help him onto the toilet, and I had to literally

00:16:00.015 --> 00:16:03.935
Speaker 1: pick him off off the floor because he fell off the toilet.

00:16:03.935 --> 00:16:07.935
Speaker 1: And that was the moment where I was completely shocked into,

00:16:09.375 --> 00:16:11.615
Speaker 1: like, this is actually actually happening.

00:16:11.615 --> 00:16:12.095
Scott: Yeah.

00:16:12.095 --> 00:16:14.910
Scott: He's no longer the person that I know as my dad.

00:16:14.910 --> 00:16:15.310
Scott: He's Yeah.

00:16:15.310 --> 00:16:19.310
Speaker 1: Because as soon as you see your hero, you know, naked on the floor,

00:16:21.150 --> 00:16:21.870
Speaker 1: that's it.

00:16:21.870 --> 00:16:25.870
Speaker 1: Like, you it just your your whole world shatters

00:16:26.430 --> 00:16:26.910
Speaker 1: immediately.

00:16:26.910 --> 00:16:28.830
Speaker 1: And so for me, it just completely shattered.

00:16:28.830 --> 00:16:32.830
Speaker 1: And and that was the moment that we knew that he needed to

00:16:32.835 --> 00:16:36.835
Speaker 1: go into a hospital of some sort or he needed to have added

00:16:36.835 --> 00:16:38.915
Speaker 1: care because my mom just couldn't do it.

00:16:38.915 --> 00:16:40.355
Speaker 1: He had no energy.

00:16:40.355 --> 00:16:40.595
Speaker 1: Sorry.

00:16:40.595 --> 00:16:44.595
Speaker 1: No, like, nothing in him as far as it was, you know,

00:16:44.960 --> 00:16:46.080
Speaker 1: dead weight.

00:16:46.080 --> 00:16:46.640
Scott: Yeah.

00:16:46.640 --> 00:16:47.280
Speaker 1: Pardon the pun.

00:16:47.280 --> 00:16:51.280
Speaker 1: But the, that moment made us realize this is a

00:16:51.360 --> 00:16:54.000
Speaker 1: fast moving train that wasn't gonna slow down.

00:16:54.000 --> 00:16:57.445
Speaker 1: And so there was a day where

00:16:57.445 --> 00:16:58.885
Speaker 1: I summon summoned.

00:16:58.885 --> 00:17:02.565
Speaker 1: I I asked my sister to come over to my mom and dad's house

00:17:02.565 --> 00:17:05.525
Speaker 1: and and, you know, I talked to her in advance about this conversation that

00:17:05.525 --> 00:17:07.925
Speaker 1: we all need to have

00:17:07.925 --> 00:17:11.640
Scott: where so you woke up one morning and said, I need to make this

00:17:11.640 --> 00:17:12.040
Scott: happen?

00:17:12.040 --> 00:17:12.240
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:17:12.200 --> 00:17:12.680
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:15.160
Speaker 1: It was more like it was more like there's a conversation we need to

00:17:15.160 --> 00:17:19.160
Speaker 1: have happen because my dad had talked about made

00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:22.440
Speaker 1: in the sense that he doesn't wanna be a burden, and he doesn't want

00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:26.115
Speaker 1: to be in a position much like your dad where he's, you know, sort

00:17:26.115 --> 00:17:27.395
Speaker 1: of in a vegetative state.

00:17:27.395 --> 00:17:29.075
Speaker 1: He he wants to do this.

00:17:29.075 --> 00:17:32.115
Speaker 1: However, he had not put any of the planning in place.

00:17:32.115 --> 00:17:34.275
Speaker 1: He had not signed any papers.

00:17:34.275 --> 00:17:37.955
Speaker 1: He had not provided any any of the, he had he had not started

00:17:37.955 --> 00:17:39.235
Speaker 1: the steps you need to go through.

00:17:39.235 --> 00:17:43.235
Speaker 1: And so I thought it was important that before he became

00:17:43.670 --> 00:17:45.830
Speaker 1: incapacitated, we have the conversation.

00:17:45.830 --> 00:17:47.910
Speaker 1: And so one day,

00:17:47.910 --> 00:17:51.350
Speaker 1: I went over and my mom and I and my sister, you know, sat

00:17:51.350 --> 00:17:53.110
Speaker 1: him down where he was already sitting down.

00:17:53.110 --> 00:17:55.195
Speaker 1: And and we said, hey, dad.

00:17:55.195 --> 00:17:57.595
Speaker 1: You know, we're not sure how this is all gonna turn out, but I

00:17:57.595 --> 00:18:00.475
Speaker 1: think it's important we have a, you know, conversation about it.

00:18:00.475 --> 00:18:04.475
Speaker 1: Now, you know, you had, you had mentioned made in

00:18:04.475 --> 00:18:07.515
Speaker 1: the past and, you know, is that something you're still

00:18:07.515 --> 00:18:08.155
Scott: You brought it up.

00:18:08.155 --> 00:18:08.475
Speaker 1: Doing.

00:18:08.475 --> 00:18:09.755
Speaker 1: I did bring I did bring it up.

00:18:09.755 --> 00:18:11.570
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:18:11.570 --> 00:18:13.890
Speaker 1: Hardest conversation I've ever had to have.

00:18:13.890 --> 00:18:17.330
Speaker 1: I said, we're all hoping that this turns out okay.

00:18:17.330 --> 00:18:20.370
Speaker 1: However, we need to we need to be prepared if if it doesn't.

00:18:20.370 --> 00:18:24.205
Speaker 1: And and I said, you know, do you remember telling us that, you know,

00:18:24.205 --> 00:18:25.325
Speaker 1: you you wanted that made?

00:18:25.325 --> 00:18:26.285
Speaker 1: And and he said, yes.

00:18:26.285 --> 00:18:29.245
Speaker 1: I said, well, you know, how do you feel about that now?

00:18:29.245 --> 00:18:32.445
Speaker 1: And his response was, I'll do whatever your mom wants.

00:18:32.445 --> 00:18:34.765
Speaker 1: In the moment, I remember looking at my mom, and she had this look

00:18:34.765 --> 00:18:37.440
Speaker 1: of, like, sort of shock, like, I can't make this decision for you.

00:18:37.440 --> 00:18:37.640
Speaker 1: How do

00:18:37.640 --> 00:18:38.560
Scott: you take this all in?

00:18:38.560 --> 00:18:38.760
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:38.960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:18:38.960 --> 00:18:42.080
Speaker 1: Like like, she literally said to him, like, Ken, this is your life.

00:18:42.080 --> 00:18:43.520
Speaker 1: I can't make that decision.

00:18:43.520 --> 00:18:46.080
Speaker 1: And and you have to understand, my mom used to be a nurse, and

00:18:46.080 --> 00:18:48.880
Speaker 1: she was caring for my dad this entire time.

00:18:48.880 --> 00:18:52.385
Speaker 1: And and, also, like, as a joke, he she always just cared for him

00:18:52.385 --> 00:18:53.745
Speaker 1: whenever he was sick anyways.

00:18:53.745 --> 00:18:54.145
Scott: Yeah.

00:18:54.145 --> 00:18:56.945
Scott: And so She was making decisions for him for a long time.

00:18:56.945 --> 00:18:57.145
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:18:57.025 --> 00:18:59.665
Speaker 1: And so he would always say, like, ask my nurse sort of thing.

00:18:59.665 --> 00:19:03.265
Speaker 1: And so this kind of was similar, only this is your, you know, this

00:19:03.265 --> 00:19:03.745
Speaker 1: is your life.

00:19:03.745 --> 00:19:04.065
Speaker 1: Right?

00:19:04.065 --> 00:19:05.130
Scott: Yeah.

00:19:05.130 --> 00:19:07.530
Speaker 1: And she said, I can't make that decision for you.

00:19:07.530 --> 00:19:08.490
Speaker 1: This is your life.

00:19:08.490 --> 00:19:09.930
Speaker 1: And and he said, yeah.

00:19:09.930 --> 00:19:12.810
Speaker 1: I I would like to, you know, I would like to have that happen

00:19:12.810 --> 00:19:14.330
Speaker 1: if we get to that to that point.

00:19:14.330 --> 00:19:17.805
Speaker 1: So that was difficult.

00:19:17.805 --> 00:19:21.805
Speaker 1: Ultimately, when he did get into the hospital, he con he continued

00:19:22.125 --> 00:19:24.365
Speaker 1: to considerably get worse.

00:19:24.365 --> 00:19:28.365
Speaker 1: We eventually or he eventually, you know, initiated the process, which

00:19:28.525 --> 00:19:32.525
Speaker 1: involves a lot of conversations with doctors, conversations with nurses,

00:19:32.990 --> 00:19:33.790
Speaker 1: paperwork.

00:19:33.790 --> 00:19:36.670
Speaker 1: Like, there there's all a whole sort of protocol you go through, which is

00:19:36.670 --> 00:19:36.990
Speaker 1: great.

00:19:36.990 --> 00:19:40.750
Speaker 1: It was ultimately, you know, December twenty third when, you know, at at I

00:19:40.750 --> 00:19:42.350
Speaker 1: think it was one one o'clock.

00:19:42.350 --> 00:19:45.645
Speaker 1: And they're actually, the reason I know it was one o'clock is because they

00:19:45.645 --> 00:19:49.645
Speaker 1: wrote December twenty third, one PM on a whiteboard at the end of his

00:19:49.725 --> 00:19:51.885
Speaker 1: bed, and I think they even circled it.

00:19:51.885 --> 00:19:53.325
Speaker 1: And I I to this day You're

00:19:53.325 --> 00:19:54.045
Scott: just so helpful.

00:19:54.045 --> 00:19:56.445
Speaker 1: To this day, I always think to myself, like, he had to just stare

00:19:56.445 --> 00:19:58.650
Speaker 1: at this time literally.

00:19:58.650 --> 00:20:01.290
Speaker 1: Like, he knew exactly when his life was about ten, which I think is

00:20:01.290 --> 00:20:04.090
Speaker 1: kinda beautiful in in in some way because he got to do it on

00:20:04.090 --> 00:20:06.250
Speaker 1: his own, you know, on his own terms.

00:20:06.250 --> 00:20:10.250
Speaker 1: And he got to see all of his family and friends before he ultimately,

00:20:10.810 --> 00:20:14.085
Speaker 1: you know, passed, which was just like going to sleep.

00:20:14.085 --> 00:20:16.005
Speaker 1: But then it's, you know, it's December twenty third.

00:20:16.005 --> 00:20:16.565
Speaker 1: It's Christmas.

00:20:16.565 --> 00:20:20.565
Speaker 1: We had to then put on an immediate sort of brave face for

00:20:20.805 --> 00:20:24.805
Speaker 1: for my son who, you know, deserved a a normal Christmas

00:20:25.340 --> 00:20:25.980
Speaker 1: as could be.

00:20:25.980 --> 00:20:29.100
Speaker 1: And we actually I I'm really proud of my wife and and my mom

00:20:29.100 --> 00:20:32.940
Speaker 1: and we and my sister and her wife, and we all came together.

00:20:32.940 --> 00:20:34.620
Speaker 1: And, yeah, it was really hard.

00:20:34.620 --> 00:20:35.740
Speaker 1: There was a lot of tears.

00:20:35.740 --> 00:20:38.585
Speaker 1: There was a lot of just, like, shock, frankly.

00:20:38.585 --> 00:20:42.585
Speaker 1: In fact, this past Christmas was our first Christmas without him

00:20:42.905 --> 00:20:43.785
Speaker 1: since he passed.

00:20:43.785 --> 00:20:45.625
Speaker 1: I mean, we we didn't have him that first Christmas.

00:20:45.625 --> 00:20:45.865
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:20:45.865 --> 00:20:49.785
Speaker 1: We were just so in shock that we kinda just went through the motions.

00:20:49.785 --> 00:20:50.480
Speaker 1: Mhmm.

00:20:50.480 --> 00:20:54.480
Speaker 1: And then I remember, like, Christmas dinner came this year, and

00:20:54.960 --> 00:20:58.880
Speaker 1: I sat at the head of the table where he usually sits.

00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:02.880
Speaker 1: And I just had this, like, immediate sense of weight

00:21:03.785 --> 00:21:05.865
Speaker 1: feeling like,

00:21:05.865 --> 00:21:08.905
Speaker 1: man, like, he used this used to be and I'm not I'm not saying

00:21:08.905 --> 00:21:11.465
Speaker 1: that I, like, you know, took on his role immediately, but

00:21:11.465 --> 00:21:14.265
Scott: just But you're still you're still sitting down into his position.

00:21:14.265 --> 00:21:14.505
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:21:14.505 --> 00:21:15.065
Speaker 1: It just kind of

00:21:15.065 --> 00:21:17.950
Scott: it just So there's an immediate, I don't wanna pretend to be him, but

00:21:17.950 --> 00:21:19.150
Scott: then I'm also in this position.

00:21:19.150 --> 00:21:22.110
Scott: I'm sure there's a bit of, like, you're running these scenarios.

00:21:22.110 --> 00:21:22.510
Scott: Totally.

00:21:22.510 --> 00:21:24.430
Speaker 1: So this year was the first year.

00:21:24.430 --> 00:21:25.630
Speaker 1: It was very difficult.

00:21:25.630 --> 00:21:26.510
Speaker 1: And it it's interesting.

00:21:26.510 --> 00:21:28.910
Speaker 1: I I

00:21:28.910 --> 00:21:31.025
Speaker 1: I felt

00:21:31.025 --> 00:21:35.025
Speaker 1: okay leading up to Christmas, and I think looking back,

00:21:35.985 --> 00:21:38.225
Scott: Do you mean okay as in you weren't I wasn't

00:21:38.225 --> 00:21:39.745
Speaker 1: I wasn't, like, super emotional.

00:21:39.745 --> 00:21:41.185
Speaker 1: I wasn't, like, crying constantly.

00:21:41.185 --> 00:21:43.585
Speaker 1: I was I was I was obviously thinking because you're

00:21:43.585 --> 00:21:44.785
Scott: air quoting okay.

00:21:44.785 --> 00:21:44.985
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:21:44.945 --> 00:21:47.320
Speaker 1: I mean, I wasn't, like, tip top.

00:21:47.320 --> 00:21:47.640
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:21:47.640 --> 00:21:50.920
Speaker 1: But I think the adrenaline I'm a big I'm a big Christmas fan.

00:21:50.920 --> 00:21:53.560
Speaker 1: Like, I love seeing my son excited.

00:21:53.560 --> 00:21:56.600
Speaker 1: And I think sort of the lead up to that,

00:21:56.600 --> 00:22:00.600
Speaker 1: masked a little bit of the grief because we were so sort of in

00:22:00.925 --> 00:22:02.605
Speaker 1: Christmas logistics mode.

00:22:02.605 --> 00:22:03.005
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:22:03.005 --> 00:22:07.005
Speaker 1: As soon as Christmas was over, though like, I I remember thinking, like, when

00:22:07.085 --> 00:22:10.685
Speaker 1: I was a kid, you know, Boxing Day was always, like, a kinda depressing

00:22:10.685 --> 00:22:12.525
Speaker 1: day for me because it was it was all over.

00:22:12.525 --> 00:22:13.165
Scott: The end of Christmas.

00:22:13.165 --> 00:22:13.965
Speaker 1: You know, it was all over.

00:22:13.965 --> 00:22:14.780
Scott: Right?

00:22:14.780 --> 00:22:18.620
Speaker 1: This year, though, boxing day was like, like, I it hit me hard.

00:22:18.620 --> 00:22:22.620
Speaker 1: I feel like, yeah, like, all the adrenaline was gone, but also all the

00:22:23.820 --> 00:22:27.355
Speaker 1: emotions actually flooded in.

00:22:27.355 --> 00:22:30.475
Speaker 1: And, yeah, it was it was incredibly,

00:22:30.475 --> 00:22:31.355
Speaker 1: difficult.

00:22:31.355 --> 00:22:35.355
Speaker 1: And to be honest, like, I don't think I'm doing

00:22:35.355 --> 00:22:36.715
Speaker 1: awesome as we speak.

00:22:36.715 --> 00:22:38.555
Scott: Let me ask you officially Yeah.

00:22:38.555 --> 00:22:41.515
Scott: So that you can take a minute for this because there's something I want

00:22:41.515 --> 00:22:45.515
Scott: to I wanna bring up as well and end up with this, which is

00:22:45.600 --> 00:22:46.960
Scott: the burden on the living Yeah.

00:22:46.960 --> 00:22:48.160
Scott: And the challenge on the living.

00:22:48.160 --> 00:22:51.360
Scott: And so I wanna acknowledge something a couple things that you did and then

00:22:51.360 --> 00:22:55.360
Scott: ask you this question, which is you took a huge amount of responsibility

00:22:55.680 --> 00:22:56.720
Scott: in presenting MAID.

00:22:56.720 --> 00:22:58.845
Scott: You're basically offering him the end.

00:22:58.845 --> 00:23:01.485
Scott: That is a huge responsibility that you took on yourself.

00:23:01.485 --> 00:23:05.485
Scott: And that often doesn't get discussed as how much the dead don't

00:23:05.725 --> 00:23:07.405
Scott: bear, like, they're gone.

00:23:07.405 --> 00:23:10.845
Scott: Like, yes, it's the ultimate punishment, but at the end of the day, it's

00:23:10.845 --> 00:23:14.310
Scott: the partners that have to care for you know, it's the people that they

00:23:14.310 --> 00:23:14.790
Scott: leave behind.

00:23:14.790 --> 00:23:18.710
Scott: And so now that you are you know, you've you've presented the solution to

00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:22.710
Scott: him, which ultimately he chose, and that process has happened, and Christmas is

00:23:22.710 --> 00:23:24.335
Scott: the time that it happens.

00:23:24.335 --> 00:23:28.335
Scott: Where do you feel like you are now knowing every year these holidays

00:23:28.655 --> 00:23:29.055
Scott: come up?

00:23:29.055 --> 00:23:29.375
Scott: Yeah.

00:23:29.375 --> 00:23:30.575
Scott: You do this every year.

00:23:30.575 --> 00:23:34.575
Speaker 1: I'll start by saying that I think death is a team event

00:23:35.535 --> 00:23:36.815
Speaker 1: in the sense that,

00:23:36.815 --> 00:23:38.895
Scott: I don't think it's gonna catch on as a slogan.

00:23:38.895 --> 00:23:42.750
Speaker 1: It's probably won't, and, yeah, I can't imagine what the jerseys would be like.

00:23:42.750 --> 00:23:43.950
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:23:43.950 --> 00:23:46.270
Speaker 1: I say that only because, like, I'm not alone.

00:23:46.270 --> 00:23:46.670
Speaker 1: Mhmm.

00:23:46.670 --> 00:23:49.710
Speaker 1: I do have my my my sister,

00:23:49.710 --> 00:23:53.710
Speaker 1: and my mom and and and our spouses and and

00:23:54.030 --> 00:23:56.645
Speaker 1: my son,

00:23:56.645 --> 00:24:00.645
Speaker 1: But I'm I'm struggling in this in a sense that I I have days

00:24:00.805 --> 00:24:04.805
Speaker 1: where I'm quite numb about it all, and I I feel guilty about that.

00:24:05.445 --> 00:24:09.445
Speaker 1: I feel like I should be, like, really

00:24:09.525 --> 00:24:11.390
Speaker 1: intensely

00:24:11.390 --> 00:24:15.150
Speaker 1: thinking about the memories more, and instead I find myself kind of locked into

00:24:15.150 --> 00:24:17.150
Speaker 1: the everyday,

00:24:17.150 --> 00:24:18.670
Speaker 1: you know, busyness of it all.

00:24:18.670 --> 00:24:22.670
Speaker 1: And I have moments where I kinda forget about it,

00:24:22.670 --> 00:24:24.190
Speaker 1: and then I feel guilty about that.

00:24:24.190 --> 00:24:28.190
Speaker 1: And I, the guilt sort of overplays the

00:24:28.445 --> 00:24:31.565
Speaker 1: the presence and emotion side of it all.

00:24:31.565 --> 00:24:34.765
Speaker 1: So guilt is my ultimate sort of, emotion.

00:24:34.765 --> 00:24:38.765
Speaker 1: And for me, my biggest tool that I've learned is that

00:24:38.765 --> 00:24:42.260
Speaker 1: that sense of guilt is part of my grief.

00:24:42.260 --> 00:24:42.740
Speaker 1: Mhmm.

00:24:42.740 --> 00:24:46.340
Speaker 1: And that sense of guilt probably won't go away.

00:24:46.340 --> 00:24:50.340
Speaker 1: And that sense of guilt is one of my coping mechanisms

00:24:50.340 --> 00:24:54.340
Speaker 1: for anything that goes bad is it's usually my fault, and it's usually

00:24:54.420 --> 00:24:56.395
Speaker 1: something that I have to live with.

00:24:56.395 --> 00:25:00.075
Scott: Guilt almost has a personality type as opposed to, like, an individual issue for

00:25:00.075 --> 00:25:00.475
Scott: this.

00:25:00.475 --> 00:25:00.675
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:25:00.635 --> 00:25:00.875
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:25:00.875 --> 00:25:04.795
Speaker 1: So that's I'm I'm I'd say I'm probably about a three out of ten.

00:25:04.795 --> 00:25:08.795
Speaker 1: And so I think my my grief is is, it's it's

00:25:08.875 --> 00:25:12.330
Speaker 1: a work in progress, but I think everyone's grief is a work in progress.

00:25:12.330 --> 00:25:16.330
Speaker 1: And so I I've kind of learned much like depression.

00:25:16.490 --> 00:25:18.250
Speaker 1: There's never an on and off switch.

00:25:18.250 --> 00:25:19.770
Speaker 1: It's sort of a constant.

00:25:19.770 --> 00:25:23.050
Speaker 1: It just has highs and lows, and you sort of start to live with

00:25:23.050 --> 00:25:23.370
Speaker 1: it.

00:25:23.370 --> 00:25:25.050
Speaker 1: I think

00:25:25.050 --> 00:25:29.050
Speaker 1: I think I'm learning that grief is always gonna be there

00:25:29.155 --> 00:25:33.155
Speaker 1: and is always gonna have highs and lows, and you you you

00:25:33.235 --> 00:25:35.875
Speaker 1: now have to, learn to live with it.

00:25:35.875 --> 00:25:38.115
Scott: One of the things that we'll talk about, I think, over the course of

00:25:38.115 --> 00:25:42.115
Scott: this many many hopeful podcasts that we do is sometimes we

00:25:42.420 --> 00:25:44.820
Scott: compartmentalize these and they tell great stories.

00:25:44.820 --> 00:25:48.020
Scott: But there there are long moments in between.

00:25:48.020 --> 00:25:50.180
Scott: Moments when you wake up in the morning and you think this is the

00:25:50.180 --> 00:25:53.220
Scott: day that I'm gonna tell my dad that I'm gonna offer him made, or

00:25:53.220 --> 00:25:57.220
Scott: this is the morning when the time on the board is

00:25:57.305 --> 00:25:57.865
Scott: happening.

00:25:57.865 --> 00:25:58.425
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:25:58.425 --> 00:26:02.425
Scott: But and there are people who are engaged in those moments at this point.

00:26:03.385 --> 00:26:05.945
Scott: Maybe you can finish and just

00:26:05.945 --> 00:26:06.345
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:26:06.345 --> 00:26:10.345
Scott: Give your give something that, again, to that audience,

00:26:10.540 --> 00:26:13.180
Scott: so people who are either dealing with this or just dealt with this, and

00:26:13.180 --> 00:26:14.940
Scott: those moments are stretched out.

00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:18.940
Speaker 1: Just know just know that, every everyone's

00:26:19.020 --> 00:26:23.020
Speaker 1: grief is different, and your grief, is gonna show up the way

00:26:23.100 --> 00:26:23.955
Speaker 1: it shows up.

00:26:23.955 --> 00:26:27.955
Speaker 1: And you'll ultimately learn to live with it, and you'll, you you know, you'll,

00:26:29.315 --> 00:26:33.315
Speaker 1: you'll understand how it manifests, and and that's okay if it's not

00:26:34.035 --> 00:26:36.160
Speaker 1: perfectly dealt with immediately.

00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:40.160
Speaker 1: But ultimately, I think, tap into how you're feeling and

00:26:40.560 --> 00:26:44.560
Speaker 1: don't be afraid to sort of feel those feels.

00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:48.640
Scott: Thing that I tell people, one is don't be afraid to go to therapy.

00:26:48.825 --> 00:26:51.225
Scott: That's usually it's a very succinct note.

00:26:51.225 --> 00:26:54.185
Scott: I think a lot of people feel they don't know a therapist or they've

00:26:54.185 --> 00:26:57.385
Scott: never done therapy, but I think therapy is,

00:26:57.385 --> 00:26:59.705
Scott: everybody can benefit from it, so it's an easy win.

00:26:59.705 --> 00:27:02.665
Scott: Even if your parent hasn't died, I think most of us have something that

00:27:02.665 --> 00:27:04.880
Scott: we would ultimately benefit from talking about.

00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:07.360
Scott: And so I think the easy win is go to therapy.

00:27:07.360 --> 00:27:10.880
Scott: But what I say to people even who haven't or are about to start

00:27:10.880 --> 00:27:13.600
Scott: is there is no end and that's okay.

00:27:13.600 --> 00:27:15.840
Scott: Like the grief is also educational.

00:27:15.840 --> 00:27:18.320
Scott: It also teaches you things about what matters to you.

00:27:18.320 --> 00:27:20.255
Scott: It gives you motivation.

00:27:20.255 --> 00:27:24.095
Scott: Grief is not something to be avoided or to feel nervous about.

00:27:24.095 --> 00:27:26.495
Scott: It's something to almost embrace.

00:27:26.495 --> 00:27:28.495
Scott: And so

00:27:28.495 --> 00:27:30.575
Scott: don't shy away from grief.

00:27:30.575 --> 00:27:32.175
Scott: Embrace it.

00:27:32.175 --> 00:27:33.135
Scott: Learn from it.

00:27:33.135 --> 00:27:35.940
Speaker 1: That was the first episode of dead dads.

00:27:35.940 --> 00:27:36.740
Speaker 1: Thank you for watching.

00:27:36.740 --> 00:27:38.020
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening.

00:27:38.020 --> 00:27:42.020
Speaker 1: Please, please subscribe, like, leave a review, do all the podcast

00:27:42.500 --> 00:27:44.740
Speaker 1: y things because it all helps to grow the show.

00:27:44.740 --> 00:27:48.675
Speaker 1: And the most important thing for us is that this show, helps guys out

00:27:48.675 --> 00:27:48.915
Speaker 1: there.

00:27:48.915 --> 00:27:51.395
Speaker 1: So we need it to reach as many people as possible.

00:27:51.395 --> 00:27:55.395
Speaker 1: So if you know somebody who also could benefit from the show, please

00:27:55.555 --> 00:27:57.795
Speaker 1: share it with them.

00:27:57.795 --> 00:27:59.955
Scott: Just go down and whisper it when you're at coffee shops.

00:27:59.955 --> 00:28:01.475
Scott: Whisper like, have you seen that, Joe?

00:28:01.475 --> 00:28:01.875
Speaker 1: Totally.

00:28:01.875 --> 00:28:02.115
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:28:02.115 --> 00:28:02.315
Scott: Yeah.

00:28:02.195 --> 00:28:03.315
Scott: That's the best way, I think.

00:28:03.315 --> 00:28:06.970
Speaker 1: Also, Also, if you can leave notes on people's windshields, that usually works the

00:28:06.970 --> 00:28:07.690
Speaker 1: best.

00:28:07.690 --> 00:28:09.690
Speaker 1: Thanks, everybody.