Sept. 25, 2026

My Dad Never Said He Was Proud of Me. I Spent My Life Chasing It.

Key Takeaways

Ali spent 15 years avoiding his father's grave and processing his grief through numbness, anger, and professional ambition in dentistry and surgery.
A breakthrough during a silent meditation retreat allowed Ali to finally cry and realize he was grieving the relationship he never had, not just his father's death.
Growing up with an absent father who struggled with addiction left Ali chasing parental approval and longing to hear four words that were never said: "I'm proud of you."
When Ali finally searched for his father's grave years later, he discovered his dad didn't even have a gravestone, prompting a deeper release of long-held anger.
Becoming a father and working through his buried grief ultimately changed Ali's perspective, helping him find compassion for a difficult father and altering how he shows up as a husband and dad.

Show Notes

How do you grieve a father you loved, resented, and barely knew?

For Ali, grief after losing his dad didn't look like sadness at first. It looked like anger, numbness, ambition, and a 15-year refusal to visit his father's grave.

Ali spent much of his life wanting his dad to say four words:

"I'm proud of you."

He never did.

In this episode of Dead Dads, Ali talks about losing his father after a complicated father-son relationship shaped by absence, addiction, resentment, and the search for parental approval.

🎧 In this episode, you'll hear about:

Grieving a complicated relationship with your father
Why grief can show up as anger or numbness instead of sadness
The impact of addiction on a father-son relationship
Chasing achievement because you want a parent's approval
Grieving the father you wanted, not just the father you had
Why becoming a dad can change how you understand your own father
Letting go of resentment without pretending the past didn't happen
What can happen when buried grief finally gets some room

When his father was dying, Ali held his hand, said goodbye, and left the hospital.

A few hours later, his dad died.

Ali felt mostly numb.

Then he avoided his father's grave for 15 years.

Years later, during a silent meditation retreat, a poem about someone else's dad cracked something open. Ali left the room, walked into the forest, held onto a tree and cried for ten minutes.

He realized he wasn't only grieving his father's death.

He was grieving the relationship they never had.

And he was still trying to earn the approval he'd wanted since he was a kid.

This is a conversation about father loss, men's grief, absent fathers, addiction, resentment, parental approval, forgiveness, and what happens when you finally deal with grief you've spent years avoiding.

👨 Meet Ali B

Ali grew up in Iran before coming to Canada.

His own father had been abandoned by his dad at 11 and was forced to help support his family while still a child.

As a teenager, Ali reconnected with his father while working with him and his brother in Nevada. Addiction made an already difficult relationship harder.

Ali eventually returned to Canada, threw himself into school, and built a successful career in dentistry and surgery.

But his relationship with his dad stayed with him.

Years after his father's death, Ali finally started looking at the anger, grief, and need for approval underneath it.

⏱️ Episode chapters

00:00:00 My dad never said he was proud of me

00:01:27 Why Ali wanted to tell this story

00:02:14 Growing up with an absent father

00:04:45 Escaping Iran and coming to Canada

00:06:45 Reconnecting with his dad

00:07:45 Addiction changes everything

00:09:45 Years of resentment

00:11:55 Watching his father die

00:13:35 Why Ali felt numb

00:14:20 Avoiding his dad's grave for 15 years

00:15:15 The meditation retreat that broke something open

00:16:40 Finally grieving his father

00:17:05 Chasing his father's approval

00:18:10 Why men avoid grief

00:19:30 He couldn't find his father's grave

00:20:20 Discovering his dad had no gravestone

00:21:05 Letting go of the anger

00:22:00 Why talking about his dad was terrifying

00:23:20 Becoming a dad changed his perspective

00:24:15 The person anger was actually hurting

00:26:10 Can success fill the hole left by grief?

00:28:10 Grieving the father you never had

00:29:00 "I never asked if he was proud of me"

00:30:00 Finding compassion for a difficult father

00:31:20 How grief changed Ali as a husband and dad

00:33:35 Final thoughts

🖤 About Dead Dads

Dead Dads is a podcast for men figuring out life after losing their dad.

Hosted by Roger Nairn and Scott Cunningham, the show features honest conversations about father loss, grief, identity, family, memory, masculinity, and all the strange stuff that happens after your dad dies.

No grief brochure voice. No tidy healing arc.

Just real conversations for guys who are grieving, remembering, avoiding, laughing, carrying on, or trying to understand what losing a father did to them.

You're not alone.

☕ Support Dead Dads:

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/@deaddadspodcast

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New episodes every week.

Dead Dads Podcast is produced with the support of JAR Podcast Solutions.

https://jarpodcasts.com/

Frequently Asked Questions

Who is Ali on the Dead Dads podcast?

Ali is a guest on the Dead Dads podcast who grew up in Iran, moved to Canada, and built a career in dentistry and surgery while navigating a complicated, distant relationship with his father.

How long did Ali avoid his father's grave?

Ali spent 15 years avoiding his father's grave after holding his hand at the hospital shortly before he passed away.

What triggered Ali's emotional breakthrough regarding his father's death?

A poem about someone else's dad during a silent meditation retreat cracked something open for Ali, leading him to a forest tree where he finally cried and released years of buried grief.